(Something I hadn't posted last pujo and randomly came across...)

This has been one of the strangest Pujos. The impatient wait gave way to a shoshti spent at home with ma when shoshti meant out on the streets with the thousands trying to catch the early bus to the most popular pandals. Shosti was meant to be mad walking, bad food, lots of adda, countless random photos but instead I lazed at home all day and stepped out only at 2 am after finishing a bottle of old monk with A and C. Shoshti was rum, a tear or two, 4 pandals, candy floss, cha, lift from a stranger and staying up till the next morning to say bye to Ma. My strange shoshti merged into a saptami where the point to meet up with J, P, A and R was pushed back to 2 from 11:30. I surfaced at 12:30. 12:30 on Saptami meant para done and Durga Bari reached. Instead I was home. Random chilling at home while the rain swept everything away and once again I was stranded on an island as Lake Gardens went under water. As I sat sipping cha and looking at the rain, I realised for the first time I wasn't cursing the rain for washing away what would have been a day of mad pandal hopping. Something inside me just said that perhaps I had let go of something that I had clung on to for years and maybe this was a good thing. Maybe I'd miss it less this way... Just one of the gazillion things I'll miss but guess it was coming anyway. I gave some mad drinking with my past a miss. Instead I stayed at home with J and P while J just pushed me to weep uncontrollably with his playlist designed especially to twist my heartstrings and snap them. He is pure evil but in a good way.Damn. Damn. DAMN. I want to just beat up these assholes who I love so much who make things just so fucking difficult. I promised not to write one of those trite goodbye thingies but this is starting to smell exactly like that. Fucks to promises eh?

Goodbyes have never been easy. And this has been the longest goodbye. Or does it qualify as being goodbye when it's about a month long? The last 30 days have been the most perfect way to pull out of a never ending hug. From the chilled out moments in Delhi, to the whirlwind in Kolkata, to the gut wrenching speeding up of time in Giridih...I have loved it all. And yet while it seems like goodbye and it tastes like goodbye it does not feel like goodbye. The hopeless in me keeps clinging on to the fragments of the rapidly disappearing wisps of time. There are moments in the last one month that I will treasure forever. And what amazes me is how equations that have been a certain way steadily, change in the blink of an eye. Guess that's why we create these bonds. To be able to love so much and hurt just as much....with a smile on our faces.

I love you doesn't even quite sum up how I feel. I miss you won't do justice either. We are pure :) You are mine. Guess that should be enough. Coz that's all I have.