Monday anyway brings the blues but this one in particular leaves me so hollow. Just seems like I've lost the will to do anything.I can feel a hollow pit inside me. I cant scream anymore. I cant fight anymore. I yield. I yield to the darkness. I yield to what must be done. I yield to that which is tearing me up inside.
I wish it was different. I wish I could turn back time and revisit the times when we did not pretend....wishful thinking I suppose led to this excruciatingly painful time. What distresses me the most is that I've forgotten how to wear the mask. I cant seem to be able to don my 'Everything is peachy' face.It slips off almost as soon as I wear it. I know this feeling...it's the singlemost uncomfortable and unpleasant feeling I have felt. The sense of loss....
Yes I will get over it, yes I know these things happen, yes I know it's for the best blah fuckity blah. But does it change the fact that right now I want to curl into a ball and stay like that? What do you do when the one person you want to talk to, who will help ease the pain, is the reason for the pain? Lost...
I just want to ramble on but must curb my enthusiasm here. Somethings are best left unsaid. Perhaps that's the problem. We leave too much unsaid. But then again we say so much by not saying anything at all.I can see my thoughts unraveling at a rapid pace.I shall just shut up and hope to god this passes soon.