Someone(T) old me today that I had changed....and then someone(S)told me I should change.
Isn't that ironic?Same day and two people say to very different things.So then what really is real?(shit that sounds like one of shantanuda's lectures!)I agree with one and disagree with the other.I have changed but it's just a phase.Being the way T made me out to be is something im inherently not but something I had to adopt in order to survive in a way........to keep my sanity intact I guess.Being slightly more sensitive, I needed to be.Apologies to those who thought I wasn't being me and got caught in a whirlwind of things that did not involve them.Maybe soon I will return to dancing in the sand.....just seemed to have lost my rhythm for the time being.And as for S....for reasons I cant even begin to explain I won't change.Maybe it sounds weird when I try,maybe I'm thought as being very very retarded but keeping myself intact if most important to me.Come love,come friendship,come family.....acceptance.Accept me for who I am.I accept you for who you are.No one should change for anyone then essentially who the hell are you?Just when you think you know someone,you realise you never did.I agree that the only constant in life is change but not with the very things that tick.Some parts of me are just as basic as the air I breathe and I can't live without those things.Call them idiosyncrasies, call them what you will.At the end of the day I know I sleep happy.And the days I don't,I wonder what I did wrong......
Random thoughts, I know, but these days randomness makes sense to me.Logic is lost on me, I think but that doesnt mean that irrationality is the recipe for the day. God! I think I'm losing the thread here.......I think I'll stop....