New File

So I'm sitting in my room...in my house...sorry...my NEW house. And it's so surreal. Most people when they take the plunge I did, look forward to it with such enthusiasm and excitement yet I chose to look at it with apprehension and trepidation. I kept thinking about all the things I was leaving behind and just refused to look at the things that I would gain. I firmly believed that only my past really meant something and this city was taking it all away. Yet another reason to hate this city, I thought. But yesterday, as I made my way to work crossing India Gate, I suddenly felt goosebumps and realised how beautiful this city looks on a crisp wintry morning. It was cloudy and cold and yet I felt so warm inside. I realised that I was in love...
Immediately felt guilty that I had let down my home...that I had taken up a new lover and cheated on the one who had been by my side for all my life. Guilty pleasure. If one can be in love with two people why not with two places? Yes maybe I have not yet made my peace with the loud, aggro, reckless, insensitive people around me, and I want to scream at the amount of aimless wandering I must do to make my way HOME yet there is something so beautiful about this city. If Kolkata has heritage and culture and intellectuals, Delhi has history, a sense of pride and overwhelming smell of power. And I inhale hungrily. Yes it does help to come home to a the same smiling face I have adored for the last zillion years. But then I'm beginning to appreciate the newer smiling faces, knowing that once again I will be able to say the same about them after the next zillion years. Had I moved to a place where I knew noone and nothing, I'd probably want to curl up and die and I was convinced I'd feel like that here too but I don't. I know I'm taken care of. By ones who've been through the shit with me and the ones who will. I know I will not go hungry, sleepless or unloved. What more could I ask for? So I let go of my prejudices and embrace the whirlwind that is Delhi. I see a long lasting love-hate relationship with a place that will be home for this new chapter of my life. I shall stop being scared.
Kolkata, I love you and always will.... But it is time to fall in love again :) And fall in love I will.
Thank you for all the fish... :)