A new year in full swing...already 3 months down. And even in that time its been such a crazy rollercoaster ride. There are days when I'm laughing my head off and others when I just want to crawl into a hole and cry myself to death. Nearly everyday I hear about someone or the other with terribly ill health, breaking relationships. I'm still trying my level best to keep afloat but let's face it...damaged goods are meant to go under and occasionally surface. I hear the sound of her wings and flinch. Wonder what she wants now...I can never tell why she comes till it's bloody in my face. She brought me more damaged goods. Threw them at me to sift through and decide which ones are the most affected and which ones can be passed over. Still deciding...
It was so perfect for a while. So perfect. And in the perfect moment I knew it was jinxed. And I'm always right. Yeah so I'm hurtling down at break-neck speed but everything else around me is and even that is not good. It's started spiraling again. I feel like I'm on stage again but I don't know the script and someone else is controlling my every move. Moments of hubris and aidos and eros and philia and eudaimonia create and destroy me. Faith falters. But must push through. It still beats, I still feel. And don't want to lose that. Don't want to be the kind who denies being in pain or pleasure. Will embrace both. But surely I'm allowed to fall sometimes right? So I'm choosing to free fall now. Let's see where, when and how I land.