Friday, May 27, 2011

Happie

      Delhi has been most beautiful for the last 48 hours. The sky looks like it's about to break into tears yet the wind keeps wiping the tears away. And it is B E A UTIFUL!!!! And where else to find myself but my happie place?It's almost as surreal in the evening as it is in the dead of the night. At 2 a.m. the yellow sulphur or halogen (not quite sure which) lights that line the sides of Rajpath just seem ethereal. India Gate at one end and the Parliament at the other-seems like such a long walk. But it is undoubtedly the most beautiful stretch I have ever walked down. Does not matter what frame of mind I am in, the minute I'm there it's all happie. Not happy but happie. Not too many people will even understand the difference but for those who do... :)
       As I sat on the grass and looked down the road to India Gate, there was such a surge of happiness and love. It hit me long and it hit me hard that I'm so settled in this once-upon-a-time-alien city. This is my home now. I am from Kolkata and forever will be from Kolkata but I live in Delhi. And I love this city. It has become my city. It might not have accepted me as a Dilliwali and secretly I'm happy about that (makes me feel less guilty about cheating on Kolkata), but it is mine now. Maybe it's cause of my happie place or the people life threw at me, but it's made sense. All of it. I now understand why people fell in love here. Cupid targeted my ass and how. I think I'm still walking around with that arrow stuck to my rotund posterior. (And all this I thought of while sitting on the grass at 2 am, quite intoxicated.) My mid night sojourns to India have been beautiful. The lanterns burning, the guards in perfect sync and perfectly still, the dogs rolling in the dust and chasing their tails, the silence that is so comforting and of course the Gate itself. I read and re-read the inscription every time I'm there. And always get goosebumps. I have sat and read the names etched in the stone and thought of all those who died fighting wars and ended up being names on some granite. It is Romantic on some level but also so pointless. It's probably silly but silly and crazy is good. I have sat there, looking like an idiot with this perpetual smile stuck on my face. Che bella! Amore! It is love...dont think anything else fits that perfectly.
    To walk around India gate, with the wind dancing with my hair....I've never found it to be still- Shob shomoye ekta hawa kheleche. I often think what it would be like if all the lights were extinguished. Phoo. All is hurtling in the blackness of the night. I'm sure I'd still find no words to describe how beautiful it would be. Someone told me I'm obsessed with the place. I nod vehemently and will keep saying it's my happie place. Whether I have been there with people or not, a part of me has always been alone there and that's what I absolutely love. My mind wanders even when I am with people and goes to unchartered territory and I cannot control it. And I don't mind that at all. I always have a song in my head and it keeps making sense. Harmony amidst madness, I think it is. But I are not dukkho anymore. I am happie and have found love. <3
     



Saturday, May 21, 2011


Almost everyday on loop. It makes perfect sense...




Look back in silence; the cradle of your whole life. 
There in the distance, loosing its greatest pride. 
Nothing is easy, nothing is sacred. Why? 
Where did the bow break? 
It happened before your time. 

There were people there, lovely as you've ever cared. 
Tonight. 
Baby you can start again. 
Laughing in the open air; have yourself another dream. 
Tonight. 
Maybe we can start again. 

Only the young can break away, break away. 
Lost when the wind blow; on your own, ohh.. 
Only the young can break away, break away. 
Lost when the wind blow; on your own, ohh... 

Mother its cold here. Father thy will be done. 
Thunder and lightening are crashing down. 
They got me on the run, direct me to the sun. 
Redemption keeps my covers clean tonight. 
Baby we can start again. 

Only the young can break away, break away. 
Lost when the wind blow; on your own, ohh... 
Only the young can break away, break away. 

Lost when the wind blow; on your own, ohh... 

And the sun will shine again. 
And the sun will shine again. 
Are you looking for a sign? 
Or are you caught up in the light? 

Ha.....ha.....ha.....ha....ha. 
Ha.....ha.....ha.....ha....ha. 

Only the young can break away, break away. 
Lost when the wind blow; on your own, ohh... 
Only the young can break away, break away. 
Lost when the wind blow; on your own, ohh... 

Only the young can... 
Lost when the wind blow... 
Only the young can... 
Lost when the wind blow... 

Ha....ha....ha....ha....ha. 
Are you caught up in the light? 
Ha....ha....ha....ha....ha.

Monday, May 02, 2011

"April is the cruellest month"

The last month has been nothing short of my world spinning madly on. So much has happened and so much has changed. I have been jumping on a trampoline as far as my mood has been concerned. I ended up shocking and surprising myself. Somewhere I have grown. Or is that how I want to explain it. Perhaps I am infact becoming cold. I know I have not lost the ability to love or feel but I dont feel the same things I used to. The things that were so familiar. 2 weeks of travelling. Going home was meant to feel right and on some level it did but so many strangers I encountered. The faces I could read like the back of my hand were all strangers to me. I feel nothing. What makes it worse it that I dont feel like its wrong. Home gave me the love I was missing but somehow I dont think I was able to give the same love back.

The hills saved me once again. It breathed life into me. Sitting under a million stars, feeling like surge of the cosmic energy. One of the most significantly surreal moments of my life. Cant remember the last time I had such an intense night. Not just because of the energy surrounding me. It has been a while since I spoken to anyone about God, religion, spirituality, love, the universe. And that too to two perfect strangers. And we sat and swapped stories and lives for a while. Put ourselves in the other's shoes. I know a lot changed that night and I will take away a lot from that night. I grew up a little more I think. It's amazing what the mountains are capable of. I cant wait to run back there again. This month has been significant in my life in more ways than one. Perhaps it has been the cruellest month. It helped me shatter so many comfortable bubbles.