had a rather mellow day.got up late and went to friends place and lazed there.And after a looooong time did a lot of heart to heart.we hadnt done that in a long time....so it felt good....it was nice to feel laid bare on the table and see the same with the other person.we talked for hours with the food n cigarette breaks....it felt really nice.i miss doin these things with people i love.and talkin today was like taking a walk down memory lane....reliving n relishing those past moments again,knowin that we might never get it back.looking into the future knowing we'll make more memories and will oneday look back n smile wistfully.personally i think a guy/gal friendship is the best but there are just somethings that girls do best....open their hearts completely and lay it out there.being a girl n knowin what another girl is feelin is amazing.I loved today....hope erom din aro anek ashe jibone.....

Weight Of My Words

There are very many things
I would like to say to you
But I've lost my way
And I've lost my words
There are very many places
I would like to go
But I can't find the key
To open my door
The weight of my words
You can't feel it anymore
The weight of my words
You can't feel it anymore
There are very many ways
I would like to break the spell
You've cast upon me
Because all the time
I sacrificed myself
To make you want me
Has made you haunt me
The weight of my words
You can't feel it anymore
The weight of my words
You can't feel it anymore
The weight of my words
You can't feel it anymore
There are very many things
I would like to say to you
But I've lost my way
And I've lost my words
There are very many places
I would like to go
But I can't find the key
To open my door

Arent the lyrics just beautiful?????
This is currently my favourite song.........well has been since the 1st time I heard it courtesy a friend who insisted I listened to to it.Thus my initiation into the world of Kings of Convenience.i love these dudes.Amazing music and lyrics.Beauty in motion.....

uff aar bhalo lagche na.am sick n tired of studying edgar allan poe...thank gawd it will be over tom....then party!!!!!!!!!!! till the next exam......then party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want so many things..... i want an air conditioner, i want an ipod, i want a digital camera, i want to go for a holiday, i want my knight in shining armour, i want my best friend all year round, i want shakira's hips, i want unlimited supply of alcohol, i want to go dancing, i want a car, i want to come 1st class 1st, i want my friends to come 1st class 1st too(just like my frnds grandma sed...she's too cute!!!), i want a personal swimming pool, i want a personal gym-with a hot personal trainer(lolz), and of course the usual of a good career, satisfying pay and a great life.....essshhh i sound like a materialistic bitch man!!!!! and i also sound like the woman in the frnaklin templton ad..(I want!I want!)ufffffff
its too hot..........am goin mad........exam kal...too hot to think.....have to cool off.......help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
rite now nothin is making sense hence the very wierd post....am sure tom when i read it ill be goin....WHAT THE F***?????forgive...its just the heat i tell u......

It's amazing how when you feel really lost and down and feel that the whole world has turned its back on you,there is that someone who with just a word makes u feel that nothing ever went wrong.I have one such person in my life.Most of the year I spend fighting with him and saying that he is way too mean to me but when i really need him he is there,even when i dont have to say a word.I met him today after ages and was all smiles but he just saw rite through me.And even when I'm the saddest he makes me smile.Without even meaning to tears just flow and he wipes away every one of them.We sit in silence and that in itself says so much.His silence tells me that when everyone has deserted me,he'll hold my hand and show me the way.I feel homesick even when I'm at home and just staying with him for a couple of hours makes me feel that I've come home.This is what friendship is............maybe this is what love is all about.Not love between lovers but love between 2 souls who complete each other as friends.I'm blessed to have someone like that n my life...without him i dont know what I'd do.He's my child,my guide,my rescuer............the missing piece in mu jigsaw life....

life is beautiful

very nice day.....woke up to ma being nice to me,giving me cha n biskoot....spoke to 2 old friends and relived old times....wrote a great exam....came home to great lunch....met estranged friend...met best friend.....met college friends n had really nice conversations.....weather started to become amazing.....and now listening to nice mellow music....life seems perfect....finally everything is falling into place....all jhamela gone....life is beautiful........

walk the dog????!!!!

so then the other day i had gone for a walk in the para with my friends and after rudely being thrown out of my friend's place(bastard!!!),me and this other friend decided to have a smoke before parting our diff ways.Due to the lack of place and avoiding the prying eyes of people who think its a cardinal sin for women to smoke we sat down somewhere behind a bush..........only it was more of a garbage dump than a bush!!!Never have I done that before!!!!We did move from there(though my friend fussed.One would think she felt quite at home there!!!)And then I saw the strangest sight ever.I've seen people walking dogs but have you ever seen anyone walk a GOAT????!!!I've seen goats being led to the slaughter but I have never seen a goat on a leash!!!!!My dear god!!!!I could not believe my eyes!!!Has to be the weirdest thing ever.Needless to say the two of us couldnt stop laughing(me and my friend not me n the goat!!!) and I thought I must write about it.If anyone has had a similar experience please do tell!!!Maybe such things happen outside Jodhpur park too!!!

i hate people who are fake.....everyday i encounter atleast a handful.Why i ask?why do you have to be fake?for that matter why are people mean unnecessarily?and if you have to be mean why resort to silly methods of bitching behind people's backs?I mean if you are going to talk badly about someone have the bloody balls to do it in front of the person u want to bitch about.Personally if someone came and insulted me on my face I'd respect the person more and take him/her as a worthy adversary.Insteat if you bitch about me behind my back and expect me not to find out,thats just stupid.Trust me if i had even an ounce of respect for you despite disliking you,thats just gone.I'm not gonna be a hypocrite and say i dont bitch about people but atleast i dont make the effort to be overtly nice to them either.I generally avoid them and make civil conversation with them when they make the 1st move.I know of so many people as of now who dislike me and yet are so nice n sweet......disgusting!!!!I have been yelled at,abused and cursed in broad daylight on the road.....and believe i have to hand it to the gal who did so.It takes guts to come upto someone and tell them exactly what you think of them.Make no mistake....I dislike this particular female in question and wouldn't mind giving her a bloody nose but yes hats off to her to have been able to tell me on my face.
It's the chiddi chors i absolutely loathe.Why pretend?What on earth do you get out of it?A friend of mine asked one fine day "why cant people just be nice?" Such an innocent question but tell me honestly can anyone answer it.It takes all kinds to make up the world i told him.And then we both agreed that with harami people one just has to be harami.Personally I'd try being nice initially but then when i see its futile and im gonna get screwed over then full force e harami hoye jete hoy.It's for people like these who get a kick out of others miseries and being mean that some people just become stoics,cold and dont let anything affect them-good or bad.I know what thats like....been there myself.But it's like losing a part of yourself.A part of you just dies and thats just sad.Why for these insensitive bastards should the genunely nice ones suffer??If you forget how to feel,how to trust others,how to love another.....where will this world go to?

Shubho naba barsha.....
How funny it is to have to saw happy new year twice in a year.....but festivities are what i live for!!!!of course today loads of people have been known to say shubho bijoya instead of naba barsho......somehow after shubho,bijoya just comes naturally.everyone wishes each other luck and joy,children do pranam and get paid(wonderful way to make a quick buck!!!),you eat brilliant grub,meet friends,wear new clothes.....the niceties just never end.
Thats probably why i love that entire period from October till Feb.....starting with birthdays,anniversaries,Durga Pujo,Kali Pujo,Diwali,Christmas,New Year and yet more birthdays........thats just one big party......except for the 3 odd weeks of exams.Somehow I've seen I get happier,everything seems to glow,friends become nicer,parents become more understanding,love blooms,and boy does alcohol start to flow as do the endless parties.Even more miraculously at this time of year I seem to be pretty rich.......damn why is it just the middle of april???!!! ami fun korte chai.......a diff kind of fun that is.......but I love this anticipatory period as well!!!!!Just waiting for the festivities to start.....waiting for the leaves to fall,day to turn to night quicker,a slight chill settling in.....yet giving you that warm glow inside.......

Amidst a very perfect world,
Sat a girl lost and troubled.
She thought she had figured it all out,
From her smile, laugh, frown and pout.
But something eluded her she knew
Something which sometimes made her blue.
But the little girl hung on to her hope,
Amidst the sex, booze and dope.
Someday she would be rescued she believed,
Taken far away into the world where joy lived.
Endless happiness, fun and laughter,
A place where no tear would fall.....a land of ever after.
Who it would be she didn't know,
Who'd take her where the wind always does blow.
A place where she could be a child,
Be innocent, small, gentle and mild.
Did a place like that even exist?
Did a person like that even exist?
Would she ever find them?
Would they always elude her?
So amidst a very imperfect world
She sat waiting lost and troubled.......

so then i decided that i'll try to be like the other bloggers around n blog regularly.....its like freakin community im not even aware of and whats sadder is that im neither a blogger nor a non blogger.....in other words na ghar ka na ghat ka.so a healthy change should be welcome......
lookin bak at the last one year spent in JU im still feel so new....that excitement hasnt gone out at all for me.there is still a spring in my step when i leave to find an auto for college!and in the last year i've made so many discoveries.....made new friends.....developed a love for 29.....my entire taste in music has been altered(wh is a good thing....how much longer could i have kept hearin boyzone!!!!!hehehehe!!!!nah am a lil better than that!!!)......i've actually grown as a person n become wiser.once you step into that world of JU you really need to watch your step....that place can either make you or break you.....its what you choose to imbibe is the imp thing.you get sucked into that lethargic JU atmosphere of cholche cholbe,pore dekhe nebo which will fuck your case!!!!!!!!!i may not be the most ideal student of JUDE but atleast this much I have fathomed and have started watchin out.not only the entire environment literally but the people in it too.influences are always presnt in life but its upto us to deiced whether we want to be influenced or not.that suckin power is passed onto the people and its so magnetic that you cant resist.people will tell you what the cool way to live is,will tell you dont worry and chill...life's all a good in JU but they lie........they live under the misconception that its a walk in the park.and then there are those who dont say a thing but quietly watch and smile..........choice is yours.....where do you fit in???if you ask me i really dont know....maybe its too soon to say anythin....i've got another 4 years to go.....maybe at the end of that i'll be a lot less confused and a lot smarter......and not try to fool the system,the people and especially not fool myself.......

most people give me gali becoz i dont update my blog........uhhh ektu chhotto koro sorry..comp crashed and am not gonna sit at a cyber cafe n post blogs!!!!!!!!!!!!! hang on......what am i doing now then???????? damn.......mutter mutter......
i spent the last few minutes searching for wordsworth poems n their analysis.........yes JU end terms finally gettin to me.....nite b4 the exam!!!!!!wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!i'm gonna be so screwd.....maybe i shud keep sayin that........someone once told me be careful wht u say coz brahma once a day sez "TATHASTU!!!" or was it shiva...maybe vishnu....uhhh my hindu mythology sux!!!!!!!!
anyway i have somethin to say.....i have decided to say it.....but in the due course of writing it i may forget....my many sorries
yes i belive one of our esteemed editors kept cribing that we first years do not bother put up stuff on the blabb......i'd like to say that its not coz we dont want to but its just that we are darned toooooooooooo lazy to move our asses(of all sizes!!!!).this is something u must have understood by now!!!!!!!have u even seen us do any kind of work??!!!!!!!!!!!!!and since someone decided that me n my frnds comprised of the entire 1st yr a.k.a. the tiny tots.........i ges i can speak for all the 1st yrs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!so plz we love the blabb n the editors!!!!!!!!!truly but amra babies ra khub alosh!!!!but from time to time we will post.........atleast i hoope we will.........maybe u cud start to pay us or bribe us with food.......we respond well to such bribes...........till next time happy bloggin to the world while i go to jump in the lakes now!!!!!!!

college

so then its been a really long time.........for the record am very nostalgic listening to dont cry.......loads of emotions attched to this song....certain people know exacty how much.......a moment of silence for all that is lost and is past.......
hmmm so now that we've gotten that over with..........time to get down n DIRTY!!!!!!!!!! quite literally if you even know what amount of muck we go through evryday at monida's!!!!and of course the journey to monida's!!!!i realised that after joining JU i havent really bothered to talk about the best college ever with the BEST DEPARTMENT EVER----ENGLISH!!!!!definately on this side of the planet!!!!!its a township by itself........with ponds n trees n drugs n sex n rock'n'roll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HEHEHE!!!! Where else would you come across a dept.whr the profs come n roll with you,ask u for fags,offer you fags,attendence is crap..you do wht u want.....in fact when in JUDE,do the JUDEANS!!!!!!
enough of my college.........more interesting are the people!!!!from the bookish kind to the sluttish kind,from the genuine darlings to the bitches and bastards,from the eye candies to the trolls........we have them all!!!!but the people i hang with are the best lot in my dept........so a lil intro to the young lasses!!!
Srin.....prob the maddest of us all,the sarkiest doll i know.her abilty to fib with a straight face has put most seniors,students in a rather awkward position(providing us with entertainment all day long!!!!).She used to come with this extra baggage which has been deported to Canada......we miss the giant with the voice of a lil girl with goggles as a hairband!!!!
Sahana.....i've known her the longest..from being the quiet mouse to being the woman who can scream for chow at monida's!!!!I rem rite b4 she left 4 dubai we sneakd in booze to her place on her bday n that was the high point!!!!!now the gurl drinks like a fish(or so she thinks!!!1)after a couple of glasses she's very "happy" and talks crap,after a couple of drags of weed she's been known to say stuff like"she doesnt wanna commit but sez plz plz!!!!)(uhhhh what the fuck does that mean!!!!!)so if u wanna see her in action(or just c her smoke...wh is an event by itself!!!)just stroll along to the bridge!!!!
Ranjaboti........or rannu..or ranja....ganjaboti........she answers to all.she's d bomb of the lot.....we just dont have enough hospital rooms for the heartbreak patiensts.ofcourse she believes she's ugly,fat etc etc........she has a flaw list.obviously seeing her u wont c ne of the flaws.so u start to wonder about one possible defect....defective brain.she's innocent,sweet n saintly (if u know wht i mean!!!!)but of late she's started being a harami .shit man we can turn perfect angels into absolute devils!!!!she's the eldest among us but is our baby!!!u tlk to ranja once and u'r bound to love her!!!
Tinie.........dudette from skul.not really pals then but now we are.she's one bitchass hottie.she can take anyone's trip when she is in form wh is rarely as she is a sloth.....lazy piggy!!!!she's a bitch when she wants to be.but without tinie no party kicks off..........stayin wi her i've been doing outrageous things by my standards.her attitude n fundas are fab.her keoramo,jabing n tabing ,her heeeeeeeeeesss are all a part of the fab creature she is.
Put together we are a perfect tossed dressing.With a pink dressing...........if you care to look carefully at us in college!!!!

rain

she sits by her window.splashes of rain hit it and trickle away.as if washing away everything.she feels the same.washing away of the pain of loving someone so much.washing away the unbearable feeling of missing that special someone.as the raindrops roll down the windowpane, silent tears roll down her cheeks.Just as the heavens split and rained,the tears also just rolled.and then the sun rose and its golden brilliance shone over the entire world.and she knew... the sun too would shine on her.she smiled yet a tell tale tear glistened in her eye.....it would rain again.......

missing pieces

and there she's back in the atmosphere with drops of jupiter in her hair.........
isnt that just a wonderful line....my current fave song........
somehow am feeling a little strange today......i shudnt really.......life just seems to be finally on the right track....have gotten to the best college ever,no longer pining for someone,no jhamela from home or with friends...........but still there is this emptiness in me....a void i cant seem to fill......no one can........that void is ano.......its been a long time since i've actually felt her absence........and somehow i just cant stop the tears today.......i miss her a lot........have u ever felt that u stopped living?thats how i feel without her saying stupid things to me,or telling me not to do something she doesnt like,or just sitting in utter silence........she's the sunshine in my world of darkness and i often wonder whether I deserve her at all.....man! someone up there truly loves me.she completes me,not even talking in a lesbian way...its way to ethereal for that.what wouldnt i give just to be next to her and just talk.........wht wouldnt i do to hear her act naive and nyaka???
i miss her......its just not the same........its like the sky missing the sun.....i miss my sunshine...... my missing piece in my jigsaw puzzle life.......

someplace else

so then we went to someplace yest.........damn cool(hip pocket rocks!!!)........loads of fun....wht with weird ex-flames first ignores u n then sticks to u like glue..........17 year olds getting denied even breezer...........knocking back beer.....meetin old friends.........and of course smoke,smoke ,smoke.........
it was fab to have gone coz i know that this wont happen for a long time to come......where we all shall be I do not know........where I shall be i dont know!!!!!!!!!!! its killin me inside everytime i think i have to say goodbye to my best friends.....how will i live without ano's smiling face and our stupid crappy conversations,how can i get thru the day without chiku shouting "AAATHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" one more time n saying she's streetsmart,how can i survive without ziki's 'ashshabhabik' and 'ashadharon' conversations n his " i'll kick ur ass!!!" and of course how can i survive without rajroop's incessant pissing me off tactics n his stupidity............tia isnt complte without ano,chiku,bandie and pablo.....how will this soul survive without its sustainance.........
I'm going to miss them all so much..........i cant stop the tears from rolling silently down my cheeks.....despite wht someone sez,even tho this is life it still hurts and it takes some time to heal........hurting for something good is always harder than hurting for something negative(only those who know me well will even understand the crap i just wrote...!!!!!!)
So for my darlings................I love you guys so much...each one differently and for different reasons............u guys have made a major diff in my life...u prob dont even know how much.........thankz is too lil to offer so i just offer my undying love and loyalty........u do know that if nothing else i'm just a phone call away.........but i reside in ur hearts........gonna miss u loads.......
n i know u gonna miss me so not even gonna try n say u shud!!!!!!!but then how does one miss a part of one's self?????................

eat poop

radio six SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!n thier stupid imitation of queen is just way dumb.......its too late for me i think im hallucinatin i thot i saw poodles play guitars....i wanna make u mine.........who? the poodles get real ono....no silly its a song....bitches amiiiiiiiiiiiii likhbo!!!!!!!what the hell do u think u were doing ekhuni?well since finally got d keyboard.n......now bein attackd by chiku!!!!!!aaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!thats so fake athe. .....yes the flat coke lover has left me to my business.....n jlo is hot!!!!we r so nnoooooooooo she s a cruel animal killer,,,,, wheres peta???????????ya so then the anima has turned into animal!!!!!n ano has taken a back seat!!!its abt 2 in the morning n we gals r just hanging n dancing..no we r not dancing n we r definitely GIRLS n not GALS.uffffffffffff whatevr......u mean whatever u xaverian u....comin from a xaverian lover thats rich!!!!!!(eat poop)to be washed down with peepee!!!!n ano sez....EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! athe n her preoccupation with body waste!!!!!!!!!!!! finally have key brd all to myself yesss!!!!!!!!ya so what to write????so chiku how abt some intellectual stuff from u......aaarrree she's incapable of it now........am soooo not........i resent that....n ure a prize asssss...n drumrolls for the greatest comeback ever!!!!! ya like whevr man!!!! ya like ano whtevr man rite???or is it whn u say nothin at all???n throw bak ur heads n laugh!!!!!whre is ROBBIE???? (n chitra is a dumbo!!!!)tralalala!!!!!! U ARE THE DUMBO ATHE!!!once again ladies n gents(n intelligents!!!!)drumrolls!!!!n man i like all the music thts playing!!!plus dancing slowly with ano....man she's a babe!!!!ya babe in the real sense...BABY!!!!!ya its ok athe i know callin me a baby makes u feel gud abt urself,its fine,go ahead,i understand.a true friend is what i am....ladies n laddas....my best friend....n she isnt conceited AT ALL!!!!!!but of course with athe around u feel ashamed of blowing ur own trumpet,she puts u to shame......n ano is bein mean types again!!!n chiku is dead i think....YO CHIKU!!!!thinkin of spotty huh???!!!!i thot she was trying to think intellectual but ya i guess spotty might b on her mind too......just a thot,does spotty qualify as an intellectual thought?.......dudes U GUYS R THE ONES dredging this up at 2 15. somebody or shld i say two somebody s TOTALLY DESPARATE??????????????? YEAH BABY!!!n u forget one tiny detail....very small.....u r gonna be sleepin wi us tonight.....BEWARE!!!!I kiss well huh???~!!!! HA HA HA HA HA (hysterical n terrified laughter).........now that chiku n athe hav finished their comebacks and recomebacks(is there a word like that?) i think we've finished with this edition of eat poop.incase u managed to reach till here,we thank u n salute ur patience n ur total lack n of course do hope u will read our next edition "eat poop too".goodbye and have a nice day.
athena chitra ananya

for all those who love the sins in the world

Heaven and hell will break loose,
The day you stop your booze.
Versace and Armani will give up their tag,
The day you cease to fag.
I will lose all my hope,
The day you give up dope.
The sun will cease to shine so bright,
The day we dont have our silly fights.
But know this to be true,
Straight from me to you,
I would surely have died,
The day to cease to be by my side......

untitled

weird.....started a blog today.....under keen supervision of my younger brother....jst sitting around listening to november rain........something inside me stirrs........dont know wht it is.....nostalgia.....lovesickness.....just plain gas(ewwwwwww!!!)....this blog is the pits will get better later am sure......aar bhalo lagche na.........ufffff.........ei baje heat..............damn damn damn!!!!!!!