I don't know what it is. I can't put my finger on it. But you definitely do something to me. I found that I could laugh thanks to someone else. But you seem to know how to make me love laughing. I have started loving myself again. I love the way you say my name. Don't think anyone has said my name like that. There is so much emotion in your voice when you get serious. I love the way you look at me when you smile. I love the way your eyes twinkle up when you smile. The corners of your lips curve. Did you know that? When you are in a particularly mischievous mood, your eyes sparkle. You challenge me. Everyday. But it is so easy with you. So easy to talk to you. You're one of the few people with whom I don't try because I don't want to, don't have to. Out of the abyss, you pulled me. Bit by bit. I'm not out yet but I'm getting there. Everyday. I look forward to every moment I spend with you. You seem to be the cold compress for an aching soul. Our lives crossed each other's for a reason. Perhaps you were meant to rescue me. And me? I don't know yet what I'm supposed to do for you. But I'm willing to find out. You reinstated my belief in so many things. I love how you don't put be on a pedestal. You don't go out of your way to make me feel special. Weird thing is that I don't care. That in itself makes me feel special. And I'm petrified. Not of the things that used to scare me before. New things. That's the beauty. of it. I have stepped out of the shade and am willing to take a chance again. Perhaps that's being stupid. But you encourage my stupidity. I'm not floating anywhere but firmly grounded. My roots ensure that there is no way that I will ever be blown away. And I am grateful for them. But you. But you just...I don't think I have ever been so at sea. For the first time I'm not mind fucked. I love that you don't play games with me. Games that can spiral out of control. My rationale is intact. Did you know the other day I smelt something and suddenly I wasn't where I was supposed to be. My instinct was to look around for you. Of course you weren't there. But I couldn't help but smile to myself. You are so unfamiliar and yet so familiar. It's a comfort and an intrigue. No I don't think I'm in love with you. Love is too strong and final. I don't know what it is I feel. Loving you is something that may happen but may not. But yes, I do love you. Deeply, blindly, fiercely. But there is a difference. Do you know that? We are not so different you and I. Perhaps that's the problem or the solution. I don't know...yet. But this I do know-I lowered my guard again. I let you in. Risky business that.People are puzzles to be figured out. You are a Rubic's Cube. I managed to get just one side sorted. And I'm not going to rush myself to complete the entire thing just yet. The full picture will reveal itself to me someday. I can wait. I stand at the end of the road looking at you. Guilty of wanting you to look up. Glad you didn't lest you didn't like what you saw. If you're meant to, you will look up at me and grin. Or pass me by. That is fine too. Atleast you will have passed me by. You are one person who I wouldn't mind letting go off. I held on too long and too hard to so many things. We all make mistakes and God knows, I have made mine. So many times. But you, I will just wish you good luck, if you should choose to walk on without me. Right now I don't know, consciously what I want from you. Perhaps that's why it is so much easier. Perhaps, no, for sure you don't know about the effect you have on me. I myself can't understand what it is. Maybe one day when I understand, so will you. Or perhaps you will make me understand. Or perhaps we shall never know. And no, I'm not in love with you...yet.

Been having the most warped weekend ever. It's a mixture of the good and the bad. It's the kind that makes you question how the good can make you feel bad. It's insane. Things are always so complicated. Simplicity and me are just not meant to be together.
   Yes. I know that a part of me feels the happiest I have been in months but a part of me is writhing in pain. I suppose it's that time of the year. Time to usher in the new and let go of  the old. A time for change. But sometimes changes aren't always good. Sure they happen for a reason and maybe in the long run it makes sense but at that moment...nothing does. Perhaps I should embrace that change and not question it or above all be suspicious of it. I am blessed with some constants and maybe that's what helps me adjust to the change.
   In the last few months so many things have changed. People, places, seasons, situations, equations...almost nothing seems familiar. And just when I feel that I'm about to sink, a familiar smell floats in through with the north wind. The softness of my pillow makes me happy.The way Leto looks at me makes me realise somethings stand the test of time. The love in my mother's voice when she calls me, even when she scolds me doesn't change and I am grateful. So grateful.
    The last few months have pushed me to the edge just thinking of the unfamiliar and the uncertain. There is a beauty in it. The thrill, the challenge, the rediscovery. But also the fear, the insecurity. Haven't slept in 48 hours and sleep still eludes me. A part of me thinks I'll miss out on something. A part of me wants to sleep and never wake up. I don't mean something as morbid as death but just the apprehension of waking up to a world I can't comprehend. Yet every morning I wake up and do the same old thing I did yesterday and the day before. Can one really be the same and changed at the same time? I've started believing that. I seem to be going round and round in circles with this one. It makes sense and doesn't too.
    Anyhoo tomorrow is another day. I will be who I am or who I'm supposed to be. Supposed to be not in the sense as the way people want me to be (which would probably be simplest) but the way I'm supposed to snugly find my place in the vastness of life. Life that is not just my own but the one which wouldn't be with the others.
    Someone once said that the reason that we stay up all night and surf the net is to establish the fact that we are alive and we exist. If we just sat in one corner and just read or thought, there are no witnesses to the fact we exist. I had never really thought of it that way and the thought frightens me a little. Perhaps there is truth in it. Perhaps that's why I am up blogging at 2am. Just to establish my existence. Damn you Beckett!
    On that rather pensive note, I depart. Where am I going to? What will I do there? Will I even get there? If I do get there will anyone know I'm there? Questions make the world go round not love. Love's just a part of it. They both float around in the air. I have been capturing the questions for a while. Perhaps it's time to capture love? But look, I just captured another question. So then if questions exist, so should love. Just as answers and betrayals exist. I found two. Still searching for the other two. Time to hit enter.

Workshop with China Mieville

        The black waters of the lake slowly began to bubble,almost like the concoction brewing in the Coven's cauldron. Still peering from behind the bushes, they noticed that the bubbling had stopped and there was a sudden calm on the waters. Nothing moved. Even the wind was still. It was as if time had stopped. Goddy took a step forward and at that precise moment there was activity in the lake again. From the middle of the lake it rose. It was dark and thus difficult to see. The Coven exchanged glances. And then, as if to answer their unasked question of "what the hell is that???", there was light.
        The creature's head was the source of light. Rather the source of light came from within the creature's skull for that was all there was. A sharp knife seemed to be protruding from the top of the skull. The pale yellow light shone through the hollow eye sockets and open jaws. It did not have much of a neck but there was something that connected that head to the rather feminine body,straitjacketed in a corset, that followed the ascent of the head. It's arms were flapping in the absence of the wind indicating no solid mass with. Finally the body floated up ending in what looked like a fish tail.
        Goddy thought "Mermaid?". Drim Roll thought "Fishy?". OE said "RUN!!!!!!"

Laziness

This is just to say that I'm a douchebag for being lazy and not finishing uploading the rest of my Italy stories. But there is just sooooo much =( Now I'm bored. Now I'm not. Sigh!

To you...

Close your eyes

Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we'll both just have to be patient
'Cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go
But in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Don't know why this song is bringing tears to my eyes today...warm fuzzy feeling and hot salty tears...I'm crazy.

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you

Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback, warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said
Then you say, "go slow"
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

Chorus:
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I will be waiting (I'll be waiting)
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows
you're wondering if I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time

You say "go slow"
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

Chorus:
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I will be waiting (I'll be waiting)
Time after time (Time after time)

The polka dotted sky, the sweep of the brush

The light dances in her eye, The softest sigh, the quiet hush
A whispered goodbye.

It's the witching hour, the cauldron boils
The light flickers in her eye,
The sweet turns to sour, the joys to toils
A silent goodbye.

There is a calm around, the serenity abound
The light dies in her eye,
The tear stained ground, the empty sound
At last she can die.

    Been walking a lot these days...down the unfamiliar yet familiar road of memory. Some people don't get it. The question it and ask for explanations. I can't offer any. I don't want to offer any. I'm being judged. By the ones I don't expect to be judged by. How can it be wrong when it feels so right?

     Years rolled by and so did the tears and the laughter. We just to cry and laugh together and then we stopped.   Is it strange that now perhaps I want to laugh and cry with them? I love this warm fuzzy feeling inside which I thought I had lost. It's like finding a bit of me that was lost. I love going down that road. It isn't the same road or the same hand I held then but it isn't unfamiliar either. It's the ghost of christmas past in the present leading me into the future and I want to be lead. I want to be lead by them. I know that I'm in safe hands again. I hold onto them, promising to never let them go again. I have found me again. Suddenly at a loss of words. How can one put into words this feeling in the pit of my stomach which is slowly spiraling to my heart? I think somewhere I gave in. Insane bursts of joy and love. I'm aware of life. 

      You have done so much in such short time. You saved me from potential disaster. You breathed life into me again. You redefined so many things in my life. Am I stupid and presumptuous by wanting to jump in? Hang on... I already did. But the beauty is that I'm no longer sinking. Thank you is not enough. You will not understand what I am thanking you for but nevertheless I thank you. I let go of my safety net. I don't need one anymore. 

     Thank you P, R, U. Sorry for coming in late. But I'm so glad I came...

  

Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans....

Have been tripping on this song for days. I listen to it atleast 20 times a day. Such beautiful lyrics. I can happily die if someone wrote such a song for me. He doesn't even deserve it. Sean"Douchebag"Lennon-damn you!!!

I love you...always...don't forget. Forgive my mistakes. Because I still love you.Always. Don't forget

Un-fucking-believable!!! Today has been one of those days where I discovered things about myself. All my life I used to marvel at those who studied the martial arts and basically kicked butt. Certain techniques and moves always fascinated me. Breaking a block of wood was one such thing. I've had daydreams in which I was reigning queen who basically karate chopped and broke those things in a blink. Never really kidded myself into thinking I could...but always wanted to. And today that dream came true. The moment my heel came crashing down on the block and went through, it was such a shock. I believed that I wouldn't be able to do it but really really REALLY wanted to be able to do it. All the times I thought about it I couldn't. The one time I didn't obsess about it, my heel went through the board like butter. It is such an awesome high!!! Fantastic. I feel so proud of myself. I never thought I was that strong. But I guess there is still a lot I don't know about my own body. I'm simply thrilled at my achievement. Thank you Project OBO and thank you Sutapadi. Without you I would have never known this side of me.

I love this picture. I love the way this photo is so sexual and sensual. The way her legs are crossed and the way the light falls on the bed. And you can tell that she isn't just a pretty face. So beautiful.

Just watch her face...

I want to be the man in the picture.

I want to walk down this road. Sudden line of trees like the royal guard making way for a queen. =)

Lord!!! It's been so long. (I seem to have said this before and many times!) And yes a new year starts again. I'm chilled to my bone and loving it despite the frequents bouts of coughing. I love the sun on my back while the tips of my fingers freeze! I love the way the trees look in winter. Summer-I HATE YOU!!! This year will be one of broken hearts and wistful glances. I can tell. Already feeling the wave of nostalgia washing over me. Damn! 5 years...gone by so quickly. How? Where? When? How did I not see this coming? As usual I fell in love again. Always at this time I do knowing full well there just isn't time to love them. Each year I promise it will be different but it's the same vicious cycle. So I take this time to say..."Hello! I fell in love with you. But alas, I do not have the power to stop time and keep loving you. We will move on. I will move on. But I will not forget you. I will miss you. But don't know if I'll still love you. Forgive me for not finding you earlier. Forgive me for not seeing how much you meant to me. Do not know if we will be together again. But it was an honour."
I can almost hear the sound of her wings. She comes quietly but surely. I can see the darkness in the distance. I don't want to go. It's not time. Or perhaps it is...
It's cold.So cold. But the memory keeps me warm. I hope, no, I KNOW they will keep me warm when I'm at my coldest best. That is inevitable.

La Vita Bella

[I was rather pleasantly surprised that I managed to keep a journal during my stay in Italy.I thought I'd write for a couple of days and then get lazy but the beauty of that place is that you don't get lazy!!! I religiously wrote everyday....so here are some extracts from my journal.]



29/09/09 MODENA. 10a.m.

Finally feeling human! Do NOT like flying! Tailbone hurts.Food on flight was decent.Will drink on way back.Zurich Airport huge and gorgeous.Rome airport and Termini uber confusing and people are not helpful in Rome.Gave cig to strange Italian man and 10 cents to an Italian beggar(?!).Took the Eurostar to Bologna-fab train. Just like the movies.(I sound dehati!!). Reached Bologna; starving, tired and piddly!!!Waited for Eli(no clock tower mind you!A random art installation of a clock reading 10:25 not 10:10!!!My girl is just sooooo misinformed. Neither were the hotel landmarks correct.Apparently they changed in the one month she was in India!!!) Then she arrived with Caterina. Sweet girl, very pretty but what a voice! Weather is like in the hills. Days are like sitting on the bridge,soaking in the sun, on a winter's day. Night's are damn cold. Cate drove us to Eli's dad's where I met Davida and her Grandma. Cute boy! But doesn't speak English much. Then her dad....uff instantly like!!! In broken english he said hello and proceeded to say 'I'm your father' while meaning he's eli's father!!! Ate Gnoccho-pizza without the tomato sauce base with prosciutto(ham)! YUMMY!! At around 8 went to her mum's place which was basically head quarters. Now I know how she felt when she was here....ami kicchui bhasha bujhchi na. Lovely dinner of meat and ravioli with pumpkin(never thought kumro would taste this good)Also strangely the water is aerated.Strange to drink fizzy water but fun. Will get tired of it as soon as the novelty wears off.
In the afternoon Eli's mum took us to the city centre. We beautified ourselves in her shop where The Supersonics were being played on the PA system!Then Eli and I walked to the centre. Cobbled roads and paved ones. Musicians on street corners.We walked into Benetton...fuck!!! shoes for 60 euros!!!! Insane!!! Then for my 1st gelato!!! Eli picked out a combo of yogurt, cream, chocolate and muesli! Needless to say only the cream and chocolate hit home! Then to an Irish(?!) pub called Griffins-had my first Guiness. I'm not that much of a fan. Bought 1st Italian ciggies-Winston Blue.

Pearls and swine bereft of me
Long and weary my road has been
I was lost in the cities
Alone in the hills
No sorrow or pity for leaving I feel

I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky

Friends and liars don't wait for me 'cause I'll get on all by myself
I put millions of miles under my heels and still too close to you I feel
Yeah

I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky

I am not your blowing wind
I am the lightning
I am not your autumn moon
I am the night
The night

I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky

Well I am not your blowing wind
I am the lightning
I am not your autumn moon
I am the night

I should be studying but just cant. Feeling sad.Didn't want to talk to anyone.But suddenly someone said to me "Blue jean baby...". And I was sent into a place I hadn't been to in ages. The times when music was what connected events and people. Still today I hear these songs and I can still see the faces, smell the green but above all I can still feel the love. Because that is what it was. Love. Perhaps for music, perhaps for each other, perhaps just for the night. But it was still love. I cant help smile as I hear the familiar notes playing into the night as I write this. And I cant help feeling thankful. Thankful for rescuing me tonight. Thank you for reminding me of things that I had forgotten. Thank you for being you. This one's for you SG. From being ridiculously bored at birthdays to listening to the same songs in the middle of the night as we sit in our rooms, thousands of miles away yet right friggin there. Thank you.

I Am
counting days.

I Want
to find what I'm looking for

I Have
a pain in my neck

I Wish
I had an Angel.

I Hate
some things

I Fear
people.

I Hear
nothing right now.

I Search
for soul.

I Wonder
why people are strange.

I Regret
not being assertive before.

I Love
my life.

I Ache
for good food.

I Always
love with my all.

I Usually
talk a lot.

I Am Not
a non entity.

I Dance
to anything.

I Sing
always.

I Never
go to the CL anymore!

I Rarely
go the DL.

I Cry
when I need to.

I Am Not Always
nice.

I Lose
no weight!Sigh!

I'm Confused
most of the time.

I Need
to study harder.

I Should
not be lazy.

I Dream
every night and remember them

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
I have a shape.

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
580

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
four

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Ma

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Keeps changing.

6. What are you wearing right now?
black patiala and blue kurta

7. Do you label yourself?
huh?

8. Name the brand of the shoes you currently own?
Converse and other random stuff.

9. Bright or Dark Room?
Dark

10. What will your next purchase be?
Cigarettes.

11. What does your watch look like?
Black with white dial

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Reading Wintersmith.

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
Something about calling mirna and reaching her place at 2.

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
Fuck and whatever.

15. Who told you he/she loved you last? (Please exclude spouse, family, and children).
Bald Man

16. Last furry thing you touched?
LETO!

17. Favorite age you have been so far?
20,21,22...

18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
bye?

19. The last song you listened to?
Bittersweet symphony

20. Where did you live in 1987?
BC

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
not really.

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
Im sure!ITALY!

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Phone, clothes and my rings.

24. What’s your favorite town/city?
KOLKATA!and bombay...oh wait...will answer this after ITaly!!

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Last december to my aunt.

26. Can you change the oil on a car?
nope

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
That he was still dating a twat!

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Neck

29. What is your current desktop picture?
The end scene of Video.Silhouettes of Shambhu and Dang hanging. Love that red in it.

30. Have you been burnt by love?
err....ya i ges.

Lesson learned in time

Errr....I think I will retire. Kids today are spewing Shakespeare, singing Dylan and watching Goddard. And what do I do? I spew nothing, sing badly and watch tv. I think I will retire.

The tears don't stop when I think of you,
Somewhere you don't look happy,you look blue;
Wish you'd just turn to me,
I'd kiss the frown away you'd see.
But you choose instead to look right through
Leaving me with nothing to do.
You sit in utter silence,
Overwhelming and intense.
Through it I can hear you screaming,
But you still won't let me in.
Babble of voices and laughing face,
Clinking glasses and matching paces,
And you quietly join in.
Yet in your head you're in different places,
And you still won't let me in.
Let me hold your hand,
Beside you I promise to stand,
Whispering it will be okay,
That you've just had a bad day.
That you'd always have me,
If only you'd turn to see.
But instead you look the other way,
And yet I try everyday,
Lovely boy don't turn the blind eye,
Somewhere everyday I die.
I hope someday you'll let me in,
Then we can together start screamin.
Maybe then we'll both find peace,
And in each other find our own release...

La Vita Bella

Counting the days.50 days to go.WWWWWWHHHHEEEEEEE!!!!

Madly Bangalee

So I have seen "Madly Bangalee" three times already. Man so weird. But good weird. The feeling that is.Not the film.Film was awesome.Loved every bit of it....well almost. But it was definitely a fun watch.But it's just so surreal....still coming to terms with those retards being on screen!!!Man!! It's strange to see the screen personas like that when I know them in reality...how does one bring about a balance? Stage is so different. It's easy to be normal after that but movies aren't. I prefer Anjan Dutt the actor to Anjan Dutt the director or singer. I think he's struck gold with these guys. I'm so proud of them. Feels good to see people my age doing what they love and being rewarded for it. I hope they go far....all of them. And hope it doesn't go to their heads!!! Lord how I'm gonna let em have it if they act all star-like!!
On a personal note....Yeahhhh!!! Tickets are here!! I'm going for sure!!! Also just have to mention that I love Adam Lambert!! Who cares if he's gay??!!! The boy has an unbelievable voice!! Damn!!! Wish he'd sing to me everyday....I'd keep him just for that!!! Note to self: Must Meet Adam Lambert Oneday!!!!
Okay....enough of rubbish....too hot to think...want one ta chilled!!!Miss some people. And some people always know just how to make me smile and feel genuinely happy.....am grateful for the littler things in life.Ti voglio bene. Tanti tanti baci mia sorella italiana...

Love the smell of the rain........


What a relief..........



I did kiss the rain.....

Sat on the ledge unexpectedly,
And you swept in with the westerly.
Because the sky was pretty blue,
I guess I fell in love with you.

Your hair fell over your eye,
And quietly pushed it away,
I opened my mouth just to say,
My world just passed me by.

Words tumbled out your mouth,
I drank each in without a doubt.
Endless thoughts escaping through the window,
Will you stay or will you go?

The wind blows westerly again today,
Should I go or should I stay?
Will the wind blow you this way?
Will my nights finally turn to day?

I wait for you patiently by the shore,
I wait for you ever more,
Till the west wind once more blew.
Maybe for somebody new...

As I Promised You

As I promised you darling girl....I'm being regular!!! You know who you are! But ofcourse I dint promise coherence!!!Khek Khek!
So then have been stuck at home with fever yet again....I think it's time I kiss my tonsils goodbye!!! Kolkata has gotten hotter and I believe hotter than Delhi. Damn!!The one thing we had!!!
The evenings are pleasant sometimes....like now.pretty breeze and good music....currently listening to 'What Goes Around'-JT. Hahahaha! It's the truth of life yo!I totally believe in it.Why think of revenge? Waste of time....karma will just kick ass for you!!! Just be patient.
I want a lion.....I want a visa....I want NYU....I want money(duh!)....I want to direct my own play....I want the best kiss ever....I want a friend like Joey....I want peace of mind....I want a 24 in waist(sigh!).....I want Johnny Depp....ok enough...
You know what I really want right now? A tub of London Dairy's Strawberry cheesecake icecream or R's Panacotte.....oh my kingdom for sweet somethings.....sigh.... think I'll just settle for a hug from my mommy...

isnt it strange that you happen to discover something and then all of a sudden everything related to that something just keeps popping up from time to time after that?All the while before it never even gave an inkling that it would make its way into your life and then bam!your life is spammed by it.Wonder what it is....is it our perception?or something we choose to ignore until it whallops us over the head?
I love AG.to be honoured or not to be honoured.strange how you miss the people right in front of you and someday you realise shit...i should have, could have....
Like this friend who I'm very ashamed to say I ignored but now in his time of crisis my heart goes out to him....we seldom talk but when I did hug him last he had tears in his eyes.Maybe he dint forget me after all.
Life's strange....just discovered yet another loss in my life....it's insignificant in a way but couldn't help bawl....to think I could have lost another sibling is killin. And I dint know for fucking 23 years of my oh so insignificant life.
I spend a lot of time at home these days.....I want to....dont want to be away from home....people find it difficult to believe that I choose to be a recluse.....but I feel safer at home.More loved.More peaceful.Too many variables out there who get to me and make me feel awful.They cant infiltrate my home.I'll never let it happen.
Never thot the day would come when I would not miss P.but never say never right?I'm growing up.I have to.I need to.
I thought adults were smarter and knew more and behaved more,well, adultlike. Guess I was wrong. Most of the adults I met are quite asinine.They behave more like children and lack common sense.So then in times of trouble where do we turn? To the twats that are the adults or the quacks that are the peers?Strange it is. I want someone who can provide the answers.But who?
Also I wish I could understand when people spoke in metaphors all the bloody time. Why cant they just say what they mean without making me want to tear out my hair and bang their heads against a very solid wall????Someone once said I was too stupid and didnt understand.I'm beginning to agree with him.
Man!! I want a change....from everything. I want out.

happy new year....

some how this year seems to be going good....finally im at peace with my surroundings...my soul is back....finally i have let go of things which I hung onto because I thought I should....finally im free from my shackles....finally my sunshine is back....finally i will clean out the filth from my life....only wish it was easy.... wish i wasnt wistful sometimes.....wish that i could curl up and stay like that without a care in the world but alas another year comes rolling in and I have to walk,skip and run through it like im supposed to.....cest la vie no?miss you my star....i wished upon you too many times and now I think I should let you go....watch over me because I may need you again to hold me.....I think i'll go sleep now...maybe when I wake up it will all be PEACHY!!!!

22

Someone told me that 22 is a very lucky number especially since I'm also a 1.Not that I believe in numerology or anything but it's good to know....makes me feel quite happy turning 22.
I had the most fun birthday ever and I realised exactly how crazy my friends are. Most definately a birthday I will not forget ever,especially with the photos and videos!!! My friend's mum said that it was nice to see that we were getting in touch with the children inside us.....though me thinks one particular friend was getting in touch with his feminine side!literally!!!Let's just say my para has now seen everything.... from jack sparrow to chaddi man to roxanne or ruksana.......man!!!People are indeed strange...well wacky!!!!A costume party at our age could be so much fun......didn't realise....Here's a big thank you to all my friends who were such darlings and such big sports.....and to those who weren't well.....you guys really would have had a lot more fun if you were in costume....trust me!!! Thank you so much you guys for making this a birthday I will never forget.....Love you all tons!!!

It's been ages..........so a random post.......it's been a rollercoaster ride these last few months.........still waiting to breathe...can't believe the year is almost over........so much has happened.....cause for tears, cause for never ending smiles.... some you'd like to forget, some you'd never want to.....dammit!!!!!!!!!!! new faces, new loves, new passions..replace old ones..and some old ones get worn out but u just can't seem to part with......so complex this life is.....but the year has been a balance so far and still 3 months to go...........let's all hope the balance remains!!!

random threads of thoughts...

Lord its been ages.....and so much has happened since.....
I realised that I'm a very angry human being.I don't show it often but when I do it's quite terrible.But I think I've calmed down now....was re-reading an old blog post and realised that some amount of anger has crawled under a rock.Good.May it stay there for a while. Some things are best healed with time and then seems inconsequential. So has a lot of things....
One thing that I learnt very recently that relationships are investments which are subject to market risks.I mean in every relationship we put in so much and only make just about that much progress yet that doesn't stop us from investing more.It's the crunch time when we realise 'oh fuck'. Said bye to a friend recently who I know for just about 6 months and yet cried buckets while holding each other at the airport.Why? I thought to myself that I'm not gonna invest in any relationship anytime soon.Just takes too much out of me. Life aint a bed of roses...it rarely even smells like one. But I suppose it's the hope of the missing fragrance which keeps us going.
On a similar note, talking about smells, memory and smell go hand in hand,everyone knows that. But today I realised even clothes do that.And movies and quotes and so many things.What's interesting is that the same thing that would bring a smile to your face,invariably is also things you avoid if something goes wrong. I know how many times I have not taken a particular route home just to avoid the happy memories flooding back to be painful.Does that even make sense?But time changes all that eventually.And maybe then you can go back to smiling when you hear or see or smell something familiar. These associations can completely mindfuck you but then you live with it.
Feeling rusty suddenly.........think I have forgotten how to write.I miss the days when words would just flow like the verbal diarrhoea I indulge in most of the time... anyway here's to getting back on my feet...in every aspect...

Have successfully gone out of my mind.Have not studied.Drowning in the sorrow of Arsenal's defeat and dreading meeting people who will add insult to injury.Tried to feel better by listening to Bonguly and T.V.Carpio's cover of The Beatles' "I Wanna Hold Your Hand".It's truly fantastic.Jiboney boddo beshi chaap.Think I'll just go to sleep for now and escape reality for a bit.

I hate liars and cheaters!Right now I feel like bashing someones head throw the fucking wall!It disgusts me.urrrrgh!!! It creeps me out.........how can some people be so blind to things.I'm too stupid i think for trusting people.Fuck you!Fuck you! Now the hurt is pure rage and disgust.If you ever cross my path God fuckin help you. A thousand baths and showers wont ever cleanse me of my mistake and a million baths and showers wont ever cleanse you of your sins.Fuck you! Fuck you! I rue the day I met you.Wish I had never. Wish you were never born.Fuck You! Feel like yelling at the top of my lungs....instead I sit here writing this and wishin that you get exactly what you deserve since you deserve nothing more than pity.Shame on you but above all shame on me.....
I realise this post doesnt make sense....it doesnt make sense to me either.Im just angry....soooooooo angry...feel violated and so angry!Maybe something I'll channel this anger into something productive.Till then I hope some people dont cross my path.....the war part of me has suddenly been awakended.....

My angel...
The only one who has always kept me happy...truly happy.

Someone(T) old me today that I had changed....and then someone(S)told me I should change.
Isn't that ironic?Same day and two people say to very different things.So then what really is real?(shit that sounds like one of shantanuda's lectures!)I agree with one and disagree with the other.I have changed but it's just a phase.Being the way T made me out to be is something im inherently not but something I had to adopt in order to survive in a way........to keep my sanity intact I guess.Being slightly more sensitive, I needed to be.Apologies to those who thought I wasn't being me and got caught in a whirlwind of things that did not involve them.Maybe soon I will return to dancing in the sand.....just seemed to have lost my rhythm for the time being.And as for S....for reasons I cant even begin to explain I won't change.Maybe it sounds weird when I try,maybe I'm thought as being very very retarded but keeping myself intact if most important to me.Come love,come friendship,come family.....acceptance.Accept me for who I am.I accept you for who you are.No one should change for anyone then essentially who the hell are you?Just when you think you know someone,you realise you never did.I agree that the only constant in life is change but not with the very things that tick.Some parts of me are just as basic as the air I breathe and I can't live without those things.Call them idiosyncrasies, call them what you will.At the end of the day I know I sleep happy.And the days I don't,I wonder what I did wrong......
Random thoughts, I know, but these days randomness makes sense to me.Logic is lost on me, I think but that doesnt mean that irrationality is the recipe for the day. God! I think I'm losing the thread here.......I think I'll stop....

And it rained fire.....

It's been a while I know and for some reason cant even pinpoint why.Maybe I've been lazy,maybe bored but I do know that busy could be one of the reasons.Maybe because for the last 4 months I have learnt to live.And it all came to a stupendous end.The roars,the applause,the feeling that I wanted to hold on to forever....I wanted to keep dreaming.....
I know I'll never really ever get out of 'Video' mode and I dont think I ever want to.Read what a friend had to say about it and that moved me more to tears.Part of me wanted to run off stage and sit with everyone and watch this masterpiece unfold in front of me and the other just wanted that adrenalin to keep pumpin so i could keep dancing to the beat of the dhaki's.Some things can never be repeated....trauma at ripon street during the riot scene,boudi's heart wrenching wail,dang's outstanding monologue,shambhu and D.S. as 2 halves of the imperfect entity called life or more specifically dreams......and I hope they can never be replicated.Just like the joy,the anger,the frustration,the dejection that we all felt during the 4 months.We pretty much lived with each other,brought out our best and our worst and above all accepted everything despite everything.This seems so general and blah but that's just it....I'm at a loss for words.I honestly can't think of anything fabulous or intelligent to say.I'm not even going to try and comment on the performances because anything I can say will pale in comparison to what actually was manifested.So I think I'll just say...'Wow'.3 letters....insignificant but it almost sums up what I'm still feeling and will continue to feel.I feel so small compared to the grandeur of Video........and yet so important and so proud.I thank Kanti and Tanaji for giving me Video...........for giving me a memory that I will guard fiercely with my life....
Didn't ever think it could take so much from me.........tears I shed were real,to be a part of something so breathtaking and this I saw without even seeing the play. Simon and Garfunkel ask "Is the theatre really dead?" and I saw quietly 'No not while people with such vision and dreams are around'........Inspiration is one thing and changing a life is something else.I think I fell in love in the course of Video....think I fell head over heels in love with the stage.I'm not an actor,I'm not a star but by God I love the smell of the stage.Standing at the edge,looking at an empty,dark auditorium after the last show,I closed my eyes and saw them all smiling,standing,hooting,applauding,appreciating......and I wasn't dreaming.....
I can go on and on about Video and maybe I will bore other poor souls about it for years to come but at the end of the day....that was the bloody two....

yeah! i love life again! it's amazing how some things become so important that you cant live a day without. i love my life. after such a long time i can say im truly happy. yes the usual downs are still there...people still tryin to fuck me over but the difference is that....let em try!!!! im so happy that nothin can bring me down. this is a random blog post but hey....my blog!!!i write WTF i want!!!
this year has gone by really fast.just yest i was having cha and shivering in JP and it's time again to shiver and embrace the warmth of cha/coffee!So much has happened.......a year packed wi so much emotion....i thought i'd be emotionally drained by the end of the year but for some reason im still goin strong.So many tears and laughs;lost tempers,lost friends;finding the old ones again;finding new ones.But above all I think this year i discovered myself.I'm not at all what I had thought myself tobe.......ya somethings won't change but shite!there was so much I didn't know about myself.I have grown so much this year.(uhhh as a person...just incase anyone thinks physically!!)2007 has been a turning point in my life.as the year gets ready to bow out gracefully,I know I will look back wistfully yet fondly....sigh........but as a friend says..."ei to lemon"!!!Here's to a better 2008!

KIDNAP!!!!

was kidnapped today by a sibling duo!!!swifted whisked away in a car, forced to have some burning liquid poured down my throat which tasted oddly like tea, and told that all nite i would be bound to them and drugged!!!!!!!!!!! imagine the fear, the terror, spinchilling episodes of torture....NAAAAAAAAAHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIii!!!! but then if some people just offer tea and H( the slighter safer one if u know what i mean!!!) u just dont say no!!!!!! smart gurl aint i???!!!
currently just blown away by the sheer madness of it all........and laughin for the last 15 mins with my captor did not make things any better!!!!!sitting here, writing utter nonsense somehoe makes full sense to me....just a few hours ago i was running away from a cyclone....or atleast the thot of one.......before that fucked up my thighs trying to get into shape!!(no wonder i dont gym....if losing weight was that painful...i'd rather gain a few kilos!) thus couldnt even run away from the cyclone in my mind(ooooooooooo pseudo antlami!!!! without even trying!!!this is good shit!)
anyway all in all i think rathr productive day.......esp since fever seems to be gone(keeping fingers crossed!!!) here's to the night!!!!

cha and adda

Hmmmmmm cha seems to be such an important factor in my life and I had never realised it.After a cha session today I was like "EUREKA!" or as Satra would say "CHAAAAAAAAA".Honestly that golden brown liquid with bits of leaves floating in it has been an integral part of almost everything important to me. So many faces have laughed with me over cups of cha;and then the faces change. Even theks change. I guess that's cause of the company. So many cups of tea; so many tea jokes, so many spilled glasses/broken glasses;lebu cha/doodh cha & prajapati biscuit. Times spent just chilling;relieving stress;doin prem;bitchin about people;making new friends; catching up with old ones;making up after fights.......the list is endless.No wonder I'm addicted to cha..........have drunk way too much for the sake of life and it's lil gifts.From mashi's dokan in Golf Green to Gate no.4 at JU;from the bridge to the mathh;from Sharma's to the Lakes;from 8B to Salt Lake....I've done it all....and it doesnt stop there.Current pitstop...Russell Dhaba. More laughing faces,more intense adda, and lots more cha......

Took a walk down memory lane today,
So many memories sifted through yet nothing to say,
A few tears shed amidst the many laughs,
A cigarette smoked and another half.....
Reading letters and cards of ages old,
Stories started and never told....
Of lost loves,lost friends and lost souls
Of being one and playing many roles.
It eludes me now-the innocence of it all
Like Adam before the Fall.
But I'm wiser now or am I?
I know how to be malicious and lie.
Was that what was different before?
Will that set me free to rise above and soar?
It works for so many,will it work for me?
Will I finally then be truly happy?
Even as I write this,I know that's not true
So many dreams and so little time to pursue....
Maybe I'm better of dreaming instead,
Lying alone,curled up in my bed.
Atleast there I'm me,
Not trying just to...be........

yellowed pages of time......

I found a letter the other day in between the trash I used to read as a kid.And that letter was the best surprise of my life.It made my life infact.I'm sure I must have read it before but had forgotten about it.
Euphoria,hurt,love,disappointment-I felt it all at once and a single tear rolled down my cheek.I dont think I felt more loved as I felt right then.No one has loved me so much I think.Maybe I'm being unfair to loads of people by sayin this but that feeling of being completely loved,of being missed,realising how much I meant to someone.That I was the reason for his living........I honestly have not been loved like that ever......
I smile now as I go through each word in my head and tears still form.....the innocence,the warmth,the poignance of it all.......
A letter to a 10 month old child from her father........
I love u 'da-da'.......always.....

and the bird has flown....

and yet another one flew the nest.1st my youngest left to make it in the big world, then my eldest.And now one of my twins.....thank god I have one of my children with me.....
I hate to see them grow up and leave.to me they'l always be kids-naive,innocent, stupid and i gotta look after them always.Letting go is always hard especially when you're the adoptive mother!!!!
I'm gonne miss the uncombed,long hair;the ready smile;the constant bokami yet I know she needs to find her way on her own.The days spent scolding her,lecturing her, combing her hair and chatting about her boyfriend and the lastest gossip, frowning at her choice of clothing & excessive drinking, catching her every time she fell, loving her.....
and now she has to do it alone.
She will be on my mind always,I will worry about her all the time...who wouldnt when it's someone as precious and irresponsible as her?
Yes, watching your children grow up is always tough for a mother.
Wonder how Rupa Mashi is doing it if it's so tough for a pseudo mother like me......

***You Are The Star***


You represent the ultimate in truth and purity.
Insightful and illuminating, you provide guidance for others.
You also demonstrate unselfish, unconditional love.
You posses many spiritual gifts, including the ability to heal.

Your fortune:

Your future is looking brighter by the day.
The near future will be a time of both hope and healing.
Luck is about to come your way, perhaps the best luck you have ever seen.
Life is about to get a lot easier and much better!


What Tarot Card Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/whattarotcardareyouquiz/

and i miss you,
and i want to hug you and sleep,
and i love you,
and with me always want to keep....
You are out there somewhere,
But am i really waiting for you?
Fair is foul,foul is fair,
Do you understand me,do you?
Feeling lost as usual,
Dont want to survive anymore,
All blank-no audio visual,
Battered,broken,bruised and sore.
Ah what is it that I long for,
wish i knew,
Sitting on the floor by the door,
Wondering what's false and what's true.
I want to fly but my wings are clipped,
I want to speak but my mouth is gagged,
I started to run but i slipped,
And I was dragged.
Does this even make sense,
Is it past,present or future tense?
I'm so far gone,there's no way back,
So I just shut my eyes and all is black.....

Nokkhottro Khochito Aakash

Nokkhottro khochito aakash......
hothat keno lokey jigesh korbe.Kichudin aagey shondha belay aaksher dikey cheye dekhi porishkar aakash ebong lokkho lokkho tara.Nokkhottro khochito aakash-aamar ek bondhu amake e kothati bolechilo-shey tar bangla ke improve korar cheshtay and to basically prove a point.Kintu kothata amar money gethe giyechilo.Ki shundor-chokh bondho kore bolle money ekta apoorbo chobi toiri hoy.

Tara ki?Amar ekta theory acche-not so much a theory as a belief.Ami bishwash kori je jiboner prottekti muhurto oi tara hoye jay.Je muhurto hridoy ke chuye jay ba aghat diye jay-dutoi.To put it simply-every moment of our loves which becomes a memory-it finds a place in the sky and becomes a star.It is caught in time there and that moment becomes immemorial.Kirom jeno opor theke amader upor takiye acche-apekkha korche ekti notun tara jonney.Lokkho lokkho sriti,lokkho lokkho muhurto,lokkho lokkho loker.Prottekti tarar ekti golpo acche-shukher,dukher kintu golpo.Karur bichhinno hoyar shokh,karur premer prothom jholok,kono choto shishur prothom hashi-
shob oi taray joro.Jedin meghe dhaka porey jay shedin oi muhurto gulo bhule jai abar kintu etao thik je meghe dhaka taragulo abar porishkar aakashey chomkabe.Jotodin jibon acche totodin oi taragulo chomkabe.Aamader shesh nishwash-kintu tara chomkabe. Prithibi chere chole jabo kintu amader muhurtogulo beche thakbe tara hoye.Gupto kotha lukiiye thakbe tader moddhey,keu janbe na-tara aalo jolte thakbe.

Hoyto ami pagol ei shob bhabar jonney,kintu money akta adbhut shantir prokash pai.Bishwash chhara jiboney acche ki?Asha chhara?Hoyto pagol kintu bishwas kori.
Nokkhottro khocito aakash-haan kothati thik...kothatir moddheo anek muhurto lukiye acche....hoyto shey muhurtogulo ekhon nokkhottro hoye geche......amar ei bishwash....

Iti....

I read this blog entry by this friend of mine which she named CTRL D.I dont think I have read something so real in a really long time.YOu must read it as well....maybe you'll feel the same as me.Wistful-a smile with a tear.....remembering it all....
Damn.....why do we make the same mistakes over and over again?But then are they really mistakes?So if they are not then what are they and why do we think they are? So many questions and no answer.My friend puts it beautifully in her blogpost... what is moving on????
hmmmmmmm.....i think.....i wonder....i wish.....

"And we keep driving into the night
It's a Late Goodbye....."

And it is.I take a leaf outta her book ant CTRL D to so much in my life.Only wish it was as easy as at the touch of a single button...wouldn't life be much simpler?But then what is life without its complexities?Where would we be without the stolen glances,the smiles,the touch,the smell,the heartbeat,the hurt,the pain,the heartache?
We'd probably end up being hollow....hahahaha.I cant imagine myself to be that way. I will hurt again.....I will love again.....I will feel alive only to die again.....
I will dance in the sand.....again.....n yes the tears will fall and so will the smiles with it......



P.S. Do read the blog entry I keep refering to.....www.rainbowraven.blogspot.com

It's only words.....

Very often we associate people with certain words or phrases that it becomes almost impossible not to think of them.So here go some of the pearls i have heard n loved in my life.I love the people who have said them coz for nothin else they have kept me smiling......
"Into the depths of hell";"DET";"It's all over for us"
-a gentleman who has decided to take it upon himself to single handedly make me miserable!!!

"It's all good";"Beftiful";"Remumber";"My friend the cow...."
-someone i wont ever forget.

"You know about gorilla warfare..."
-esteemed professor.

"And now our domination is complete!!!";"Aeroplane walking by..."
-shuarer bachha

"I will make you widdle in MY drawers!!!!!!"
-uhhhh need i say who?

"Ossum!!";"Does he have a magic SURD?";"Hello my lovely.what are u doing tonite???"-our resident moron!

"Hi!! Huvverru??!!"
-an entire community of nitwits!!!

"Strolling here and there in the car!!"
-BFG

"Wotiz love"
-the king!!!

"THE!!!!"
-Roofus

"What pretty FLARCE!!!"
-rhymes wi ganja!!!

"Oh my GAWD!!!"
-again need i say who

"Troo dat!!"
-Collective Souls

"Blad Fosshy!!";"Grairy thing of his!";"oh thats approsing!!!(meant to say approaching!!)
-yours truly

"But I have 3 jackssssssss!!!" ;"Shit happens!!"(by request!!!);"Its all good..."(this wont ever leave me i know!!)
-close contender to the post of resident moron!

"Xylophone?Isn't that a part of the human body???";"Take me anywhere right here rite now!!";"I have 3 cheese.......cubes(with 5 min pause before cubes..all the while another conversation had started!!);"Damn the Devil!"-my greatest find.......entertainment always.Hope he gets a life soon!!!

"Raskel"
-Gandu

"I want!I like!I chai!"
-a girl maddened by the hots for a stretchable retard

"She doesnt wanna commit but says please please..."(?????????)
-Loopy

"FUCK HE DOES!!!!"(confidently that too!!!)
-Granny in her elements!!!

"He has won many titles"(to be read as rhyming with little!!!)
-Rafael Nadal

"Arsonists of the world IGNITE!";"Repeal the banana";"Bad spellers of the world untie!"
-UGII classroom

"How now brown cow!"
-Willy boy!!


Damn!!!!!! how how how??!!! how to they do it???!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Gosh.....time will go on yet i know i'll never forget and wont ever stop smiling!!!Thank you to all those who have contributed...you know who you are.I love you all....lots....

Oh you silly,stupid pasttime of mine,
You were always good for rhyme,
And from the first to the last time,
The signs said stop.....
But we went on whole hearted,
It ended bad but I love what we started,
It said stop,
But we went on wholehearted,
It ended bad but I love what we started........
Fiona Apple

So parched was the ground,
The want of water all around,
A sense of void.
A breeze now and then,
Leaving us wondering when,
And with us the Gods toyed.
The longing for it all to be washed away,
Without uttering a word,that's what we pray,
Breathe life in us again.
The sound of thunder out of the blue,
A wishful glance passes from me to you,
Will it put us out of our pain?
We sit by the window looking out,
Waiting for the heavens to scream and shout,
So I cried.......
And then it rained.....

SOS

Wont someone please rescue me????Im a damsel in distress.I sit in the tower surrounded by a deep moat...unknown creatures lurk in its dark waters......the level of toxic waste in it could kill anyone.But I am in dire need of being rescued............wont my knight in shining armour rescue me?????Someone should or else I might just go outta my mind and jump and that wont be nice will it?!Uhh im not very fussy....wont anyone rescue me.....?????Pleassssssssseee.....

Water water everywhere.....

So then the last two days has seen way too much rain than i would care for and way too much water logging.....i mean i realise its lake gardens i stay in but really gimme a break!!!! There is ankle deep water in my room!!!!not outside, no matter what a certain oriya would like to think!!!! And i have pretty much been marooned in my own house.....damn!!! But the brighter side was that people felt my pain n came over.....wh resulted in tempers flyin,being highly intoxicated,many laughs and indeed memories being created....i mean isnt that what its all about....makin memories???whatever we do it becomes a part of us and though at that moment it might be unpleasant,later when u look back,its with a smile!!!!
that's the way i look at things.....i was bored,irritated that i was confined to the four walls of my house and then my friends dropped in n we made the most of it.....and thats wats really feels warm.A kinda fuzzy feeling inside.The kind that u get when u have hot chocolate on a particularly cold winter evenin or something as simple as a bite into gooey chocolate.......sigh!!!!
Yet again I sit and write.....still stranded....amidst water but with hope that the day will get better.......

Mama Im Coming Home

"Times have changed and times are strange
Here I come and I aint the same
Mama I'm coming home
Times gone by seem to be
You could have been a better friend to me
Mama, I'm coming home......"

Dammit......I'm in that mode again.I miss school.....i miss it all.Was talkin about school after such a long time with someone who i dint know since adam.......n damn!!!talkin about school wi a perfect stranger(well not stranger really....)is...........damn im still lookin for the right words.
The same time,same place but different people.The smell,the sounds,the feel,the lights......in the morning,in the afternoon(1:20),at nite......
It was home.....somewhere were we learnt how to walk and run and then eventually strut hopin that we'd be noticed.....we learn to gurgle and talk and then eventually talk nonsense just to be noticed.......for what?Gone are the days of innocence,of not worrying about the world.Now with every step I trip and stumble and wonder what it was that I did so wrong to deserve all this.To be out in the world with nothing to protect me....no magic wands,no brooms...not so much as a word.After 15 years of being heard,to be thrown into a life where even if I screamed noone hears me.And so I trip and fall,and slowly pick myself up......drawing strenght from the place which made me the person I am today-to carry on.Coz I have to....I owe it to the place which changed my 1st gurgle to words of confidence.Kinda like Maria..."I have confidence in me".But above all.....
Labore Est Constantia.....
Dammit.......I'm in that mode again.....and the tears feel great coupled with the smile......

Music is Power....

Isnt it amazing what emotions songs can evoke in you????I mean it's weird....we listen to music for various moods but at times some songs just get labelled to people,situations and moods.For example....I could kill this friend of mine for gettin "Tiny Dancer" stuck in my head.....everytime i hear that song im reminded of the times i have heard him sing it offkey and the duet performed by him n another fellow bathroom singer!!!I know "Hallelujah" will never hold the same meanin to me ever again....it will always bring a smile n tears to me coz it will remind me of Wyrd Sisters and the many times we have sung it(with feeling!!!).Some songs have double meanings too...."Killing in the Name Of"......shait!!!headbangin at shubhayan's and kenneth.....and a prior association wi the songs thnx to 21 grams.
"Cruisin".....hahaha that song should move me to tears and it did....but now....i cant help smile.....so many memories have been created with that song......"love will keep us alive"......oh jesus!!!immortal it will be!!! "Pal"...the same song over and over again but never get over it!!!!
Damn!!!!y do we attach emotions to everything???!! sometimes wish we didn't....life would be less painful.But then....what is life without music?
It's scary to imagine life without music......I dont even know why i wrote this post.......ges listening to songs is puttin me in the mode......I cant even explain how important music is to me.....i could live without food but not without music.......and so i was punished......damn!!!!MY IPOD!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! depression coz of the music.....coz of the sentiments.....coz of the memories i made with the songs in it......n that's gone.......but hopefully.....i'll continue dancing in the sand.......damn.....

gosh!!! has it been so long????!!so much has happened in life its rather unbelievable..........seems like a dream.....
as i sit to write today,its with mixed feelings...just read kunal's blog and fuck it hit me.....its nearly over.all the efforts,the evenings spent together to do something productive which invariably ended up in being masti time much to gultu's dismay,the company.....all slowly moving into what has been and not what is.damn!!so many new people who i got to know who will forever be important to me....old friends who i rediscovered.....friends to whom i will have to say see you later as its never good bye.gultu,shubhayan,diyasree,jogu,srin,kunal,kenneth,azeem,jijkotoo.....fuck man.....in kenneths words....its been an honour!!!!!ill miss "FLOSSY"!!! sighhhhhh....tears wellin already.it hasnt sunk in yet....but tomorrow morning................im dreadin.....waking up and knowing i wont see everyone at 4.shit!!!! and life goes on.....hahaha one must therefore ask...
"When shall we all meet again?"....

urrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh

i am feelin so blah!!!!!!shit man........i was so energetic durin the hols and now back to the daily grind hence major lethargy!!!prob the most exciting thing happening is the sword in the dept.hmmmm that seems to have brought life into many people.just as a friend said boys will never grow up.....from 5 to 55 gadgets excite them.And that is so true!!!i saw the look of utter glee on the face of a prof while he was slaying imaginary dragons and oddly enough it was the same expression of glee on the face of my friend who wanted to be a swashbuckling hero with it!!!!Jesus!!!It seems like so much fun isnt it...........to be able to retain that child in u?at 20 odd we like to think of ourselves as adults but we are essentially still kids....but at say 40 odd i'd love to be able to WANT to do things i did now.i dont want to ever grow up.....i like feelin like a kid.....so much security.But this illusion of being a child always ,will disappear oneday. and then wht???i'll go back to feelin blah.sigh!cest la vie!

I love my city….I do But sometimes things happen which disgust me. The people I’m so proud of, who are the bearers of our rich tradition and heritage make me loathe them. Very recently a friend of mine, a north eastern friend, went marketing at Jadavpur. And there she faced probably the most harrowing experience ever. On deciding to walk away from a vendor where the cost of fruits was higher than she expected, she was verbally abused by the vendor. Still trying to remain calm she choose not to argue yet was humiliated further. She was then surrounded by people who were hurling abuses at her because the vendor claimed she was mad and had thrown fruits at him. Helpless as she was she couldn’t even walk away as she was at the centre of a mob. And who would she have turned to for help???
The vendor understandable must have been illiterate but how can one excuse the behaviour of the passersby??? Aren’t we supposed to be educated and civilized?? Haven’t we had endless discussions on equality and discrimination????? Where did all that knowledge go when this helpless girl stood crying? No one, I repeat, NOONE came to her aid. People stood by and watched…..
It makes me sick. And if you think the law is going to stand up for what is right……for what is humane….. that’s a laugh. If the law cannot rather chooses not to make things right, where do we turn in times of need? Who do we look to? Maybe I’m being naïve and not understanding why these things happen but it’s so wrong………it could happen to any of us elsewhere in the world. So shouldn’t we prevent it when we can???

its been a while since i blogged......but then whats new!!!
honestly so much has happened in life......more friends leaving town.....friends gettin jobs....friends getting together.....friends splittin up...friends having operations.........etc etc.....phew hectic.......not to mention that i too have been very busy..........busy trying not to fall ill again!!!!!!!!the last one month has been insane..........i've been keepin terrible health.......not yet back to my usual vibrant self..........i mean im goin around sayin no to partying!!!!!!!and worst part is that i havnt gotten my appetite back!!!!!!!!!thats positively horrible!!!!!!!!but things taste like cardboard in my mouth!!horrible......and being ill i think i must have listened to over 1000 songs in a week!!and beeen missin college.....its great to be back........esp for my renaissance class.....fuck man im doin class because my prof is too hot............and my prof's a woman!!!!!!!!so u can imagin!!!! i think i shud be a lesbian now!!ar toh kichu hoche na being hetero tai homo hoye dekha jak!!!dhat kichui bhalo lagche na and im gonna start cribbin soon so ill sign off now!!

i miss my friends

It has been said that history repeats itself.And indeed in every aspect of life it is true.After school I had to say my goodbyes and let go.And yet again it's turned a full circle.I had to say good bye to my friends in college.It's insane how much im missing them.It's crazy.I know they have to get on with their lives and make something of themselves and i cant hang on to them forever but it's so hard to say goodbye.Especially when you're so used to seeing them everyday.I still expect to see a woman with flowing black locks to smile her way through a throng of people;a tall balding dude sitting and playing the guitar on the steps;or a dude sporting a red cap playing tt.But life isnt such.Imiss them like crazy and even though I do meet them its not the same.How can i expect it to be?How could I have thought that it could have gone on for ever?Everything in this infernal life is transient....even friendship.I'll live with the memories we made and pray that we make more memories..........I love you guys and miss u alot....you know who you are.....

raindrops keep falling on my head

well not really....at the moment lake gardens is under water.I'm on an island.When i was in school,I used to wait for these days.....NO SCHOOL!!!YEAHHH!! But today since there seems to be no way to reach dry land,I can't get to college.I'm hating it.ufffff!!!Wish I had a plane!
I feel so cranky and lost.I wanna be in college...how beautiful college must be lookin now and all I can see now are rows and rows of houses and mucky water as far as the eyes can go!!! Kids swimming and jumping around in the water....they seem so happy......it does bring a smile to my face.A solitary paper boat floats by.....some excited child must have watched it sail out of sight and now it's come by my place.(reminds me of this bangla poem I read when I was younger!!!)
Maybe I wont feel so bad staying at home after all......I only wish it would stop raining so that the water goes down.If i dont see college today even once,nothin is gonna get me outta this cranky mood......I do feel sorry for my mom who's gonna have to put up with my moodiness today...sigh....

Light streaming through an open window,
Suppressed giggles, rocking to and fro,
Secrets passes from soul to soul
What felt incomplete becomes whole.
A sudden flash of light-a burning splinter
A cigarette lit- and it just felt better.
Giggles louder still,
The summer breeze sends a chill.
People walk on busy streets below,
We look down and wonder why so..................
A sudden silence and then a laugh
As fluctuating as a graph....
Three souls sit with hidden pasts,
Unspeaking yet,how long can the silence last?
It passes from person to person and is understood,
Without words; a feeling of good.
The silence eventually has to be broken,
Broken with laughs instead of words spoken.
Uneasy silence pushed away with looks exchanged,
Changes the mood to be deranged.
Is it the alcohol, is it the smoke?
What is it that these feelings were evoked?
Is it the company ; is it life?
What makes one put aside their strife?
Pensieve moments replaced by things so light
Just the company of friends makes life so bright.
The distortions in life falls into place,
The presence of friends puts a smile on your face.
Yet another cigarette is lit,
And by the window huddled we sit
The night creeps in slower
But for us daybreak has just dawned....

where have all the rainclouds gone

where are the freakin monsoon rains?????? im tired of the slight drizzle which goes on to give hope n then stops to pour!!! I think if i started to cry about it there'd be more water!!!!!!!!!and it becomes unbelievably hot at nite!!!!!!!
so ami sad about the freakin weather!!!! so i cook.........also cause i like to cook...but im ending up cookin highly rich continental stuff which isnt doin any good to my nearly existing waistline!!!
so would everyone kindly join me in praying to the rain gods??????brishti brishti brishti...e ki aporoop srishti!!! mummy i want rain!!!!!!!!!! ooooo college looks so beautiful in the rains..... so greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnn!!!!!!i want, i like , i chai!!!!!!!!!!!!

silent night.....brilliant breeze.....a lit cig......sitting curled up and taking in the beauty at hand. at a distance south city looms, towering over, looking like Mordor yet beautiful against the midnight kolkata skyline.....sudden squels from the neighbors....seems like someone's won yet another football match.........i smile creeps on my lips.......a familiar sense of lethargy sets in.....havent slept properly in the last couple of weeks but i welcome these sleepless nites.........gives me time to think......
miss those days of being completly happy....of feelin like nothin could get me down.....to feel loved and secure...knowing that my existence means the world to someone........that i can fite with someone and the very next moment just melt by his mere look....to feel my heart beat faster at the slightest touch.....just to feel his arms around me to say that nothin will touch you here,that you will be looked after.....i miss being weak in the knees.......i miss the constant feeling of warmth flowing inside me........i miss being in love....
i believe that one doesnt need a significant other to feel complete but then we are animals and have instincts and desires...........dont get me wrong....i dont mean sex at all........i just mean love..
we always feel the need to be loved every step of the way....but life doesnt end if it doesnt happen that way.....besides "loves come as surprise ice"......anyone who has been in love knows what i'm talkin about.....not love that people generally indulge in these days which doesnt las more than a couple of weeks.....but somethin which grows each day and somehow makes one stronger.....sometimes i wonder whether its greater to love than to be loved.....and then i think maybe.....loving someone means so much more.........just to be able to make someone feel special but then the selfish human tendency of wanting to be loved always creeps in.....even when we know its of no use we never give up hoping do we?
somehow old memories keep rushing back to me..........do we ever stop loving?guess we dont..... we stop being in love but continue to love....yet again something i strongly hold dear to my heart......
to my darling...dont think ill ever stop loving you even though i stopped being in love with you...
to whoever is waiting to sweep me off my feet.........ill be right here waiting just to have your arms around me....what i wouldnt do to just sit in silence and let the silence to the talking......after all when we are SILENT,we can still LISTEN.
the cigs gone out,mordor still looks ethereal..and i still sit curled waiting for my prince.....

" wild horses couldnt drag me away.....wild wild horses gonna ride them oneday......"
seriously one of the best songs i've ever heard......have to thank one particular friend for mentioning it to me...i completly identify with it.........
in life i've noticed onething.........when you care about someone,you are automatically taken for granted.not sayin its a bad thing,among really good friends you r supposed to but what do you do when u dont know whether the feeling is mutual or not.I believe in friendship one should stand on equal ground......one tends to feel naked and vulnerable when someone else has the upperhand.besides do you think its fair?hmmmmmmmmm guess in life one has to roll with the punches...........what you expect you seldom get but when unexpectedly you do.........isnt it the best???what would life be without surprises in little packages.........

freedom finally at hand

yes finally i can see it......uffffff exams are nearly over....i say nearly coz it will be over tom...aftr a break of 10 freaking days!!!!!!!!!god only knows how i've spent these days...na parchilam thik kore masti korte na porte!!
im going crazy thinking about what im gonna do after tom....actually what im gonna do aftr the 13th when my mata will be globetrottin!!!wh means im the queen of the world for the next 2 weeks!!!!!!!wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!im gonna party by day n at nite im gonna plop in front of the tv with chilled bottles of beer and watch the WORLD CUP!!!!!!!!GO BRAZIL!!!!!!!!REST OF THE WORLD EAT DUST!!!!shit am goin mad....gotta concentrate on exam tom...so then oedipus tells creon.................hmmmmmmmm.......

had a rather mellow day.got up late and went to friends place and lazed there.And after a looooong time did a lot of heart to heart.we hadnt done that in a long time....so it felt good....it was nice to feel laid bare on the table and see the same with the other person.we talked for hours with the food n cigarette breaks....it felt really nice.i miss doin these things with people i love.and talkin today was like taking a walk down memory lane....reliving n relishing those past moments again,knowin that we might never get it back.looking into the future knowing we'll make more memories and will oneday look back n smile wistfully.personally i think a guy/gal friendship is the best but there are just somethings that girls do best....open their hearts completely and lay it out there.being a girl n knowin what another girl is feelin is amazing.I loved today....hope erom din aro anek ashe jibone.....

Weight Of My Words

There are very many things
I would like to say to you
But I've lost my way
And I've lost my words
There are very many places
I would like to go
But I can't find the key
To open my door
The weight of my words
You can't feel it anymore
The weight of my words
You can't feel it anymore
There are very many ways
I would like to break the spell
You've cast upon me
Because all the time
I sacrificed myself
To make you want me
Has made you haunt me
The weight of my words
You can't feel it anymore
The weight of my words
You can't feel it anymore
The weight of my words
You can't feel it anymore
There are very many things
I would like to say to you
But I've lost my way
And I've lost my words
There are very many places
I would like to go
But I can't find the key
To open my door

Arent the lyrics just beautiful?????
This is currently my favourite song.........well has been since the 1st time I heard it courtesy a friend who insisted I listened to to it.Thus my initiation into the world of Kings of Convenience.i love these dudes.Amazing music and lyrics.Beauty in motion.....

uff aar bhalo lagche na.am sick n tired of studying edgar allan poe...thank gawd it will be over tom....then party!!!!!!!!!!! till the next exam......then party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want so many things..... i want an air conditioner, i want an ipod, i want a digital camera, i want to go for a holiday, i want my knight in shining armour, i want my best friend all year round, i want shakira's hips, i want unlimited supply of alcohol, i want to go dancing, i want a car, i want to come 1st class 1st, i want my friends to come 1st class 1st too(just like my frnds grandma sed...she's too cute!!!), i want a personal swimming pool, i want a personal gym-with a hot personal trainer(lolz), and of course the usual of a good career, satisfying pay and a great life.....essshhh i sound like a materialistic bitch man!!!!! and i also sound like the woman in the frnaklin templton ad..(I want!I want!)ufffffff
its too hot..........am goin mad........exam kal...too hot to think.....have to cool off.......help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
rite now nothin is making sense hence the very wierd post....am sure tom when i read it ill be goin....WHAT THE F***?????forgive...its just the heat i tell u......

It's amazing how when you feel really lost and down and feel that the whole world has turned its back on you,there is that someone who with just a word makes u feel that nothing ever went wrong.I have one such person in my life.Most of the year I spend fighting with him and saying that he is way too mean to me but when i really need him he is there,even when i dont have to say a word.I met him today after ages and was all smiles but he just saw rite through me.And even when I'm the saddest he makes me smile.Without even meaning to tears just flow and he wipes away every one of them.We sit in silence and that in itself says so much.His silence tells me that when everyone has deserted me,he'll hold my hand and show me the way.I feel homesick even when I'm at home and just staying with him for a couple of hours makes me feel that I've come home.This is what friendship is............maybe this is what love is all about.Not love between lovers but love between 2 souls who complete each other as friends.I'm blessed to have someone like that n my life...without him i dont know what I'd do.He's my child,my guide,my rescuer............the missing piece in mu jigsaw life....

life is beautiful

very nice day.....woke up to ma being nice to me,giving me cha n biskoot....spoke to 2 old friends and relived old times....wrote a great exam....came home to great lunch....met estranged friend...met best friend.....met college friends n had really nice conversations.....weather started to become amazing.....and now listening to nice mellow music....life seems perfect....finally everything is falling into place....all jhamela gone....life is beautiful........

walk the dog????!!!!

so then the other day i had gone for a walk in the para with my friends and after rudely being thrown out of my friend's place(bastard!!!),me and this other friend decided to have a smoke before parting our diff ways.Due to the lack of place and avoiding the prying eyes of people who think its a cardinal sin for women to smoke we sat down somewhere behind a bush..........only it was more of a garbage dump than a bush!!!Never have I done that before!!!!We did move from there(though my friend fussed.One would think she felt quite at home there!!!)And then I saw the strangest sight ever.I've seen people walking dogs but have you ever seen anyone walk a GOAT????!!!I've seen goats being led to the slaughter but I have never seen a goat on a leash!!!!!My dear god!!!!I could not believe my eyes!!!Has to be the weirdest thing ever.Needless to say the two of us couldnt stop laughing(me and my friend not me n the goat!!!) and I thought I must write about it.If anyone has had a similar experience please do tell!!!Maybe such things happen outside Jodhpur park too!!!

i hate people who are fake.....everyday i encounter atleast a handful.Why i ask?why do you have to be fake?for that matter why are people mean unnecessarily?and if you have to be mean why resort to silly methods of bitching behind people's backs?I mean if you are going to talk badly about someone have the bloody balls to do it in front of the person u want to bitch about.Personally if someone came and insulted me on my face I'd respect the person more and take him/her as a worthy adversary.Insteat if you bitch about me behind my back and expect me not to find out,thats just stupid.Trust me if i had even an ounce of respect for you despite disliking you,thats just gone.I'm not gonna be a hypocrite and say i dont bitch about people but atleast i dont make the effort to be overtly nice to them either.I generally avoid them and make civil conversation with them when they make the 1st move.I know of so many people as of now who dislike me and yet are so nice n sweet......disgusting!!!!I have been yelled at,abused and cursed in broad daylight on the road.....and believe i have to hand it to the gal who did so.It takes guts to come upto someone and tell them exactly what you think of them.Make no mistake....I dislike this particular female in question and wouldn't mind giving her a bloody nose but yes hats off to her to have been able to tell me on my face.
It's the chiddi chors i absolutely loathe.Why pretend?What on earth do you get out of it?A friend of mine asked one fine day "why cant people just be nice?" Such an innocent question but tell me honestly can anyone answer it.It takes all kinds to make up the world i told him.And then we both agreed that with harami people one just has to be harami.Personally I'd try being nice initially but then when i see its futile and im gonna get screwed over then full force e harami hoye jete hoy.It's for people like these who get a kick out of others miseries and being mean that some people just become stoics,cold and dont let anything affect them-good or bad.I know what thats like....been there myself.But it's like losing a part of yourself.A part of you just dies and thats just sad.Why for these insensitive bastards should the genunely nice ones suffer??If you forget how to feel,how to trust others,how to love another.....where will this world go to?

Shubho naba barsha.....
How funny it is to have to saw happy new year twice in a year.....but festivities are what i live for!!!!of course today loads of people have been known to say shubho bijoya instead of naba barsho......somehow after shubho,bijoya just comes naturally.everyone wishes each other luck and joy,children do pranam and get paid(wonderful way to make a quick buck!!!),you eat brilliant grub,meet friends,wear new clothes.....the niceties just never end.
Thats probably why i love that entire period from October till Feb.....starting with birthdays,anniversaries,Durga Pujo,Kali Pujo,Diwali,Christmas,New Year and yet more birthdays........thats just one big party......except for the 3 odd weeks of exams.Somehow I've seen I get happier,everything seems to glow,friends become nicer,parents become more understanding,love blooms,and boy does alcohol start to flow as do the endless parties.Even more miraculously at this time of year I seem to be pretty rich.......damn why is it just the middle of april???!!! ami fun korte chai.......a diff kind of fun that is.......but I love this anticipatory period as well!!!!!Just waiting for the festivities to start.....waiting for the leaves to fall,day to turn to night quicker,a slight chill settling in.....yet giving you that warm glow inside.......

Amidst a very perfect world,
Sat a girl lost and troubled.
She thought she had figured it all out,
From her smile, laugh, frown and pout.
But something eluded her she knew
Something which sometimes made her blue.
But the little girl hung on to her hope,
Amidst the sex, booze and dope.
Someday she would be rescued she believed,
Taken far away into the world where joy lived.
Endless happiness, fun and laughter,
A place where no tear would fall.....a land of ever after.
Who it would be she didn't know,
Who'd take her where the wind always does blow.
A place where she could be a child,
Be innocent, small, gentle and mild.
Did a place like that even exist?
Did a person like that even exist?
Would she ever find them?
Would they always elude her?
So amidst a very imperfect world
She sat waiting lost and troubled.......

so then i decided that i'll try to be like the other bloggers around n blog regularly.....its like freakin community im not even aware of and whats sadder is that im neither a blogger nor a non blogger.....in other words na ghar ka na ghat ka.so a healthy change should be welcome......
lookin bak at the last one year spent in JU im still feel so new....that excitement hasnt gone out at all for me.there is still a spring in my step when i leave to find an auto for college!and in the last year i've made so many discoveries.....made new friends.....developed a love for 29.....my entire taste in music has been altered(wh is a good thing....how much longer could i have kept hearin boyzone!!!!!hehehehe!!!!nah am a lil better than that!!!)......i've actually grown as a person n become wiser.once you step into that world of JU you really need to watch your step....that place can either make you or break you.....its what you choose to imbibe is the imp thing.you get sucked into that lethargic JU atmosphere of cholche cholbe,pore dekhe nebo which will fuck your case!!!!!!!!!i may not be the most ideal student of JUDE but atleast this much I have fathomed and have started watchin out.not only the entire environment literally but the people in it too.influences are always presnt in life but its upto us to deiced whether we want to be influenced or not.that suckin power is passed onto the people and its so magnetic that you cant resist.people will tell you what the cool way to live is,will tell you dont worry and chill...life's all a good in JU but they lie........they live under the misconception that its a walk in the park.and then there are those who dont say a thing but quietly watch and smile..........choice is yours.....where do you fit in???if you ask me i really dont know....maybe its too soon to say anythin....i've got another 4 years to go.....maybe at the end of that i'll be a lot less confused and a lot smarter......and not try to fool the system,the people and especially not fool myself.......

most people give me gali becoz i dont update my blog........uhhh ektu chhotto koro sorry..comp crashed and am not gonna sit at a cyber cafe n post blogs!!!!!!!!!!!!! hang on......what am i doing now then???????? damn.......mutter mutter......
i spent the last few minutes searching for wordsworth poems n their analysis.........yes JU end terms finally gettin to me.....nite b4 the exam!!!!!!wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!i'm gonna be so screwd.....maybe i shud keep sayin that........someone once told me be careful wht u say coz brahma once a day sez "TATHASTU!!!" or was it shiva...maybe vishnu....uhhh my hindu mythology sux!!!!!!!!
anyway i have somethin to say.....i have decided to say it.....but in the due course of writing it i may forget....my many sorries
yes i belive one of our esteemed editors kept cribing that we first years do not bother put up stuff on the blabb......i'd like to say that its not coz we dont want to but its just that we are darned toooooooooooo lazy to move our asses(of all sizes!!!!).this is something u must have understood by now!!!!!!!have u even seen us do any kind of work??!!!!!!!!!!!!!and since someone decided that me n my frnds comprised of the entire 1st yr a.k.a. the tiny tots.........i ges i can speak for all the 1st yrs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!so plz we love the blabb n the editors!!!!!!!!!truly but amra babies ra khub alosh!!!!but from time to time we will post.........atleast i hoope we will.........maybe u cud start to pay us or bribe us with food.......we respond well to such bribes...........till next time happy bloggin to the world while i go to jump in the lakes now!!!!!!!

college

so then its been a really long time.........for the record am very nostalgic listening to dont cry.......loads of emotions attched to this song....certain people know exacty how much.......a moment of silence for all that is lost and is past.......
hmmm so now that we've gotten that over with..........time to get down n DIRTY!!!!!!!!!! quite literally if you even know what amount of muck we go through evryday at monida's!!!!and of course the journey to monida's!!!!i realised that after joining JU i havent really bothered to talk about the best college ever with the BEST DEPARTMENT EVER----ENGLISH!!!!!definately on this side of the planet!!!!!its a township by itself........with ponds n trees n drugs n sex n rock'n'roll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HEHEHE!!!! Where else would you come across a dept.whr the profs come n roll with you,ask u for fags,offer you fags,attendence is crap..you do wht u want.....in fact when in JUDE,do the JUDEANS!!!!!!
enough of my college.........more interesting are the people!!!!from the bookish kind to the sluttish kind,from the genuine darlings to the bitches and bastards,from the eye candies to the trolls........we have them all!!!!but the people i hang with are the best lot in my dept........so a lil intro to the young lasses!!!
Srin.....prob the maddest of us all,the sarkiest doll i know.her abilty to fib with a straight face has put most seniors,students in a rather awkward position(providing us with entertainment all day long!!!!).She used to come with this extra baggage which has been deported to Canada......we miss the giant with the voice of a lil girl with goggles as a hairband!!!!
Sahana.....i've known her the longest..from being the quiet mouse to being the woman who can scream for chow at monida's!!!!I rem rite b4 she left 4 dubai we sneakd in booze to her place on her bday n that was the high point!!!!!now the gurl drinks like a fish(or so she thinks!!!1)after a couple of glasses she's very "happy" and talks crap,after a couple of drags of weed she's been known to say stuff like"she doesnt wanna commit but sez plz plz!!!!)(uhhhh what the fuck does that mean!!!!!)so if u wanna see her in action(or just c her smoke...wh is an event by itself!!!)just stroll along to the bridge!!!!
Ranjaboti........or rannu..or ranja....ganjaboti........she answers to all.she's d bomb of the lot.....we just dont have enough hospital rooms for the heartbreak patiensts.ofcourse she believes she's ugly,fat etc etc........she has a flaw list.obviously seeing her u wont c ne of the flaws.so u start to wonder about one possible defect....defective brain.she's innocent,sweet n saintly (if u know wht i mean!!!!)but of late she's started being a harami .shit man we can turn perfect angels into absolute devils!!!!she's the eldest among us but is our baby!!!u tlk to ranja once and u'r bound to love her!!!
Tinie.........dudette from skul.not really pals then but now we are.she's one bitchass hottie.she can take anyone's trip when she is in form wh is rarely as she is a sloth.....lazy piggy!!!!she's a bitch when she wants to be.but without tinie no party kicks off..........stayin wi her i've been doing outrageous things by my standards.her attitude n fundas are fab.her keoramo,jabing n tabing ,her heeeeeeeeeesss are all a part of the fab creature she is.
Put together we are a perfect tossed dressing.With a pink dressing...........if you care to look carefully at us in college!!!!